The dark circles have formed prominently underneath your eyelids, with complimentary sagging bags to match. As you sit in a dark room, the only source of illumination is the laptop screen sitting in front of you. With the dead-gaze of someone who hasn’t had a genuinely good night of sleep in sometime, you stare into the screen, fingers furiously typing away at the keyboard. You’ve written, deleted, and re-written the same sentence three or four times, you can’t be sure the exact number.
Just as you’re unaware of the number of times you have written the sentence, you are also unsure of what time it is. The singular thought for what feels like an eternity has been one thing: It has to be just right. If this sounds like a familiar scenario, you might be a perfectionist. Personal perception can shape how you view perfectionism, but as someone who wrestles with it myself, I decided to compile a few primary thoughts about what it is like to deal with this personality trait. One of the things that I frequently hear people say about perfectionism is: Isn’t being a perfectionist good because you will be able impress people with your high standards? That might be the case if it weren’t for one thing…
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1. It Doesn’t Matter How Much Validation I Receive From Others; If I’m not Happy With it, It is Not Good Enough
One of the problems with perfectionism is that it makes it more difficult than it normally would be to accept affirmation. This is not due to a lack of regard for people’s opinions, but rather, it is rooted in this overwhelming need to live up to one’s own expectations. Furthermore, if there are people who are aware of my perfectionist characteristics, it is challenging to not be suspicious that others are only supplying affirmation to help combat my perfectionist urges. If I sense that you are not being entirely genuine, it will only serve to fuel my perfectionism as opposed to stifle it.An issue with not being completely receptive to feedback unfortunately, but predictably leads to another problem…
2. Without A Sufficient System of Feedback, Efficiency is Hard to Achieve
Perfectionism is inefficient because the goal is not simply to see a task to its basic completion, the goal is to be absolutely and undoubtedly satisfied with the work that I have done. It is extremely hard for perfectionists to adopt the approach of just “phoning it in” because we are paranoid that whomever we are accountable to will be able to tell if maximum effort was exerted or not. This desire-above-all-else- to be personally happy with one’s work, coupled with the fear of being exposed for not doing your best, results in a process that can be more time-consuming than it is convenient, especially if there is a deadline involved. If you’re wondering why these issues persist despite self-awareness, it is because...
3. Being Aware of Your Own Perfectionism Does Not Make it Easier To Stop it
You might think that possessing the amount of self-awareness that I do would make it much simpler to actively fight against the perfectionism. However, awareness does not equal ease. Someone can have OCD, be one hundred percent cognizant of it, and still not be able to stop him or herself from carrying out certain actions to scratch the proverbial itch of the urges that they are feeling. I am not suggesting that perfectionism comes close to being of comparable severity to extreme cases of OCD, but it seemed like the most appropriate example to use.
Has perfectionism been a detriment in every situation? no, there are instances where it has definitely worked to my advantage and helped me produce the highest possible quality of content according to my abilities. However, its pitfalls often make it feel like more of a blessing than a curse. Ideally, the goal is to find a method to use perfectionism as a functional tool to reach an end. Determining the best method is the tricky part. (See what just happened there? if not, it will click later).
