Throughout most of my life, I have been going to church, either with my grandmother, some friends, and, earlier on in my childhood, my parents. I grew up in a baptist church, performed in church musicals, went to vacation bible school, but during that time in my life I didn't know how to appreciate it or why to appreciate it, for that matter. I was inquisitive, and was always asking questions (many of which the people around me could not answer). I was a child with no deeper understanding as to why I must believe in God and put my faith in someone who cannot be seen in order to inherit eternal happiness and salvation in heaven. I continued growing, learning, and I created my own perspective of the world. I learned more about myself and how I fit into the church, and I became increasingly more uncomfortable with being there.
I was used to being in the congregation, and I loved the people. I had friends in the youth group, adults that I am unrelated to who treated me as their own, and I was surrounded by music that lifted my soul; but why do I feel so out of place?
My generation, the millennials, has conceived a sort of rejection of Christianity because the religion's history of harsh judgement and, in a lot of cases, the intolerance of people who do not share beliefs or live the same way they do. I became a part of that. I was angry that my gay friends would be taunted and teased by their parents in the name of God, or told that they are unclean and will not inherit the kingdom of God. I was angry that I had to answer to someone for everything that I've done in my life, and they decide what happens to my soul in the afterlife. I was just ANGRY with God.
I lost my faith as I went to college. I became ashamed to tell people I believe in God, and I was even more ashamed to even claim that I was once a part of the Christian faith. As much as I hate to admit it, I even began to question God's existence. Time went on and a couple of years passed where I never gave much thought to religion. I didn't have a relationship with God. I didn't want a relationship with God.
Then my life changed.
Over the course of those two years, I met many people from different walks of life. I made a new friend who I'm currently in show choir with, and because of that I grew pretty close to his partner. His partner always seemed happy, content, and he was very intelligent and full of knowledge. The more I was around him, the more I longed to find the happiness that he had. One day I asked him,"Why are you always so happy?" and he replied,"Well, I have a wonderful relationship with my partner and more importantly I have a spectacular relationship with my God."
We began to talk more and more, and he explained everything about his Catholic faith. As I listened, I asked questions and he answered them without any hesitation or shadow of a doubt. I felt like he knew something that I had no idea about. In reality, he did. I never had a true relationship with God because I lost it before I could even figure out how to maintain it. He reassured my belief in God that day, and the path I was taking to understanding has lead me to where I am today.
I have decided to become a part of the Catholic church, I have never had a better understanding of what it is to have a relationship with God until now. My quest for knowledge has lead me to find the church with deep roots in history, logical explanations for faith, and the least judgemental people I have ever known. It is the closest to the truth I have ever been, and I will be forever thankful for my friend who led me to where I am today. I still have so much to learn and milestones to reach, but I have never been more satisfied with where I am and the relationship I have with God in my life.
