Throughout my entire life, I have had a real struggle with balance and coordination. I've been giving my parents, siblings, friends, and even random strangers heart attacks since childhood. No matter what I was doing, my body could always find a way to injure itself. I have embarrassed myself so many times in my life because of my clumsiness that I've learned to embrace it.
1. Any ordeal can turn into an accident.
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Even just walking down the stairs to grab a snack or walking down the hall to the bathroom can turn into a story about how I ran into the wall or slipped or hurt myself. No territory is safe, and you learn to always expect you'll injure yourself.
2. The best ideas turn into the worst ideas.
It sounded awesome at the time, but now that you have to explain what happened every time someone asks about your black eye, it seems a little ridiculous. Then, you have to deal with everyone asking you, "What were you thinking?!"
3. The gym becomes a war zone.
When I was about eight, my cousin and I were playing in the gym at the hotel we were staying at. I was on the treadmill, and I said, "Hey, I'm gonna turn the speed all the way up!" He tried to tell me how bad of an idea that was, but before he could get all his words out, I was already increasing the speed. I flew off the treadmill and slammed into the wall. I wish I could say that as I got older, I matured and learned how to work the machines at the gym, but it's unfortunately just not true. Just a warning: beware of the stair master.
4. Your efforts to seem cool always fail.
Don't even bother acting nonchalant or sly, because your clumsiness will always ruin the moment. It's like whenever I need to seem the coolest, I fall the hardest.
5. You always try to pretend it was on purpose.
Your friends are always laughing way too hard at you to hear your claim anyways.
6. You always mess up at work.
All you wanted to be was number one employee, but you can't seem to avoid spilling all the merchandise. Hopefully, your manager pities you and keeps you around despite all the accidents you're causing.
7. Sometimes you injure those around you.
The only thing worse than injuring yourself is injuring you and the people around you.
8. There is no situation you aren't capable of ruining.
Even the most important event have the potential to be ruined by your clumsiness, so people think twice about where they bring you.
9. You eventually learn to laugh at yourself.
Since you don't think you'll ever learn how to coordinate and balance your own body correctly, you learn to laugh at your clumsiness and embrace it. Someday, you'll find someone who thinks it's cute. Until then, have fun embarrassing yourself and learn to love it. At least, it makes things interesting, right?
