I sat on the couch, drowning in potato chips and Dr. Pepper. Not only was I destroying myself physically, but I was also wrecking myself mentally. For my entire life, I turned to unhealthy food to cope with my growing depression. I didn't even realize the damage that was being done until it was too late. 150 pounds. 170. 190. With each passing day, I got deeper and deeper.
By my freshman year of college, I weighed over 200 pounds. I spent my days eating Taco Bell, McDonalds, and so on. Until one day, reality hit me like a train. I looked in the mirror sobbing, hating what I have become. I was ruining my body little by little and didn't know how to fix it. I never had the determination to get in shape, and I stood there every single day beating myself up. But there comes a time when you have to be strong and conquer the demons in your life. So, with tears streaming down my face, I looked in the mirror once more. That day, I decided that it was time to change myself for the better.
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I'll just say that this is easier said than done. My first workout was the worst experience of my life; I was ashamed. When I stepped onto a machine, I was out of breath and about to fall onto the floor within ten minutes. I struggled, I fought, and I cried. A lot. There were times where I wanted to give up completely and lapse back into my old ways, but I kept pushing forward.
About a month into my journey, I stepped onto the scale. 10 pounds down. It seemed almost impossible to me. It felt unreal. Over time, the results became addictive and I wanted to do more. So, I did.
Walking turned into jogging, and jogging turned into running. I felt like I was on top of the world. I was breaking down barriers that have been there my entire life. When I ran, I saw my tormentors in my mind; those who made me feel worthless and insignificant. "You're ugly. You're fat." Those words still live on my skin. But with each rep and each sprint, they began to slowly fade away.
Sore muscles, aches and pains. It reminds me that I'm making progress each and every day. I look up, take a deep breath, and keep telling myself that I'm going to be okay. As I sweat and jump through obstacle after obstacle, I realize how strong I have become. From time to time, I see the old me in my mind. But she's gone now.
Looking in the mirror today, I know that I still need to improve, but I am able to recognize my progress. Even though I said goodbye to 35 pounds, I still have a long road ahead. Getting healthy is not easy and I did not expect it to be. But I can say this; it sure is worth the fight.
