You’re floating on your back in an ocean and with out notice or warning you start feeling heavier, and heavier. Almost as if you had eight bowling bowls strapped to each foot, you slip under the surface, you start kicking, and kicking, trying everything to get back to the light that is at the end of your reach; but you can’t. No matter how hard you kick and glide your arms through the crystal blue water you keep going deeper, no matter how loudly you yell and scream for help, screaming until you can taste blood in your throat, no one can hear you, no one will ever hear you. You’re in your own head; you’re slipping deeper and deeper into your own hell. There’s only one chilling word for this torture, and that is anxiety. Anxiety disorders are becoming more common, more conversational, however the view society has on people struggling with anxiety is becoming more and more negative, and hopefully one day people living with such will be looked at as strong, rather than damaged, weak, and troubled.
Growing up with an anxiety disorder has changed me in more ways than one. I believe it changes many, on the opposite sides of the spectrum, it changes some people for the better, but it also has the effect to change people for the worst, and that is why I am compelled to speak on behalf of both. What people don’t understand is that human beings affected by anxiety do not choose if and when you have an anxiety attack, they come at the most random times, and for any number of reasons. I was out shopping one afternoon, and in the midst of the fun, and adventure a few friends and myself were having I begun shaking uncontrollably, I started rapidly scratching my collarbone and I had to sit down and breathe. When the attack had calmed down I went outside for air, and a man came up to me and said, “You know if you wanted attention there are a million different ways you could’ve gotten in, you didn’t have to fake your death in my store.” I picked up my things, and went on my way.
I know I cannot change the way that man viewed my anxiety and me over night. I know I can not sit him down and many others like him and explain what goes on through our bodies when attacks happen, because the truth is; if you don’t have anxiety, you will never understand people like me and a million others. Me trying to get you to understand anxiety attacks is equivalent to me trying to understand how you taste water. But maybe one day, society won’t be so closed minded to the fact that yes, some times, human beings aren’t doing things because they crave attention. Sometimes, there are human beings, who are experiencing something that others can’t fathom, and it takes a special person to try to comprehend it, and those are the people that we need more of.
People, women, men, children, the elderly; anxiety effects them all. It’s not just a specific age group, nor is it a specified gender. People with anxiety cannot control their bodies sometimes; I want you to attempt to invasion that, having absolutely no control over the biggest part of you. People with anxiety often lose there self due to the in comprehendible knowledge of those who lack an open mind, and who judge the unknown that they cannot understand.
One day, I hope anxiety can be looked at as a strong and noble quality about a person. Right now, I know that isn’t the case. But by the spreading of knowledge and examples of how anxiety works, and how anxiety effects a person, I believe whole heartedly that one day, anxiety will be as common as ADHD, and ADD, that one day anxiety won’t be looked at as attention gaining and a facade, and that one day people like me, and people like most of you can live, and live hard with out feeling the burden anxiety bestows. We have to deal with our anxiety daily, the last thing we want to deal with anymore is society painting the picture that we are in control, and that we are crazy.
