I knew it was you the first time I saw you in church at age 12.

I knew it was you the first time we kissed in 7th grade.

I knew it was you the first time we broke up and I got a new boyfriend.

I knew it was you when you were still there after my new boyfriend and I broke up.

I knew it was you when I saw you break down and cry in front of me for the first time.

I knew it was you when I heard you tell me that you loved me for the first time.

I knew it was you when I watched you win your first wrestling match and point up into the stands directly at me.

I knew it was you when I saw how good you were with children; I couldn’t help but imagine how perfect my future was bound to be with you.

I knew it was you when we shared our passions, goals, and fears together.

I knew it was you when I told you things about myself that not even I knew I could feel.

I knew it was you when we met each other’s families and had no problem becoming apart of it.

I knew it was you when your mom told me how much you loved and cared for me.

I knew it was you at your brother’s wedding.

I knew it was you every time I spent with your grandpa.

I knew it was you when even during my worst times, you were still there.

I knew it was you the entire time.

But it is no longer you.

I am not trying to share our entire relationship with the world but I want people to know that it can last and it can mean forever if you work for it because it will be worth it.

Everyone had their doubts about high school love saying that there is no chance of those relationships lasting; nothing was perfect, but at one time we were happy.

Our story started at a local church named St. Michaels in 2009. We both went to different schools so we never made it a point to talk with one another until I came across a Facebook add for Friends I was suggested to add; there your name was. Being the girl I was at such a young age, I pressed "Add Friend." Eventually we started talking and soon that talking turned into a young relationship. Our story fought it through middle school.

Things started getting a bit rocky once high school started. Most of our days were spent at school, practices, and then catching up at dinner with our family. You and I communicated at more of a text basis outside of school just because our time was occupied to other things. While we didn't spend most days together, we made us strong. The older we got, the more serious we got. Our nights were becoming spent together more than before. Sometimes days turned to nights, sometimes nights turned to days. You became my best friend, my better half, my boyfriend, and my rock. We were as one, it felt normal to be with you; so easy. We had known each other for so long that we became comfortable and in love.

Thank you for becoming such a huge part of my story.

"Instagram Official"

It was only time before we would become boyfriend and girlfriend, but when we did, it was known. It was kind of like everyone was waiting for it to happen again, they just didn't know when. Our relationship started off very slow and we became best friends first rather than being in love. We learned about one another's pasts, played 20 questions just in case our answers from 6th grade changed, and began to grow up together.

The Honeymoon Stage

Every relationship is different but they all go through a phase-- the honeymoon phase. This is what most people like to consider extremely great because it's before the arguments, the controlling, and the stress. Ours luckily lasted for quite awhile but when the phase stopped, obstacles got in the way. We had a few arguments which sometimes led to a break up which always led to us getting back together. We always found our way back to each other.

The Holidays

When I was younger, I always wondered if I would be the only cousin to never bring a boyfriend to our family gatherings until I met you. You became such a huge part of my family that it was known you would be there for every event. Now that we are no longer together, I constantly am asked "Sesa, have you met any nice boys at school?" "Are you still single?" While I am, I know that deep down, it'll be hard to find another boy to fill the shoes you left when it comes to my family. I wasn't the only one who lost you, you see-- they lost you too.

Wrestling over Everything

Being the girlfriend of an amazing athlete was always easy for me. Sending you "good luck babe!" texts right before your matches, throwing down peppermint oils when your arms were hurting, and rubbing out all your muscles when you were too tense; how couldn't I love being apart of something that not only you were great at but were so passionate about? I made sure to make it every meet I could-- posters, wrestling shirts, and all. That's what you did for me as well when it came to volleyball and soccer. Your face never went unrecognized from the stand filled student section. It became a second nature to us and sometimes I still find myself missing the times we would stay up until 4 am watching your matches.

Awaiting College Acceptance Letters Meant You Going Above and Beyond

During our Junior year of high school, we had a handful of bumps in the road which led to a break up for quite awhile. I was stressed with waiting for college acceptance letters while you and I were still trying to figure things out. One day I came home to my mom handing me mail from the University of Michigan and I couldn't wait to open it. I started reading and with tear filled eyes, I said yes. Even though it wasn't anything from the University of Michigan, it was from you so I couldn't be upset. You always had a way of making sure that the love you had for me didn't go unnoticed and this letter proved that to me.

Always "Putting Chuck and Blair to Shame"

There were days when I couldn't help but look at you and know that this is what I wanted for the rest of my life. One of those days happened to be the day of your brothers wedding. Brushing our teeth together. Doing our hair together. Watching you put your suit on and button up your dress shirt. Fixing my make up while you fixed your bow tie. I had a picture of what life would be like for myself years down the road and at that exact moment, I knew that that is what it looked like. Watching you during the mass of the wedding brought me back to the first time I met you in 6th grade, all the memories flashing back. We walked around the city at nights talking about what our future would be like, it seemed so real and at the touch of our fingertips. Little did we know, it wouldn't end up that way.

"It wouldn't be my world without you in it."

"First's"

You weren't just my first love or my first kiss. You were my first real shot at happiness, you were the laugh in a silent room, you were my first Starbucks trip, you were my first heartbreak; you were my first everything. Although people might think that this is what made the break up hard, it did, but nothing makes me quite as bittersweet as when I am reminded of you. Starbucks, The Notebook, NPR, Big Sean, How I Met Your Mother, the Detroit Train Station, and a million more tiny yet big things.

Prince Charming

You knew my obsession with Gossip Girl was real so any chance we got, we represented Chuck and Blair even though we are the opposites of their characters. You were my Prince Charming and my knight dressed in an excessively great fashion sense. Around our hometown, we were what a lot of people wanted in a relationship. During and after the relationship, people would tell me how perfect we were or how we should get back together. That's where the reality of a young relationship kicks in. People see the tweets or the Instagram posts and expect that what we had was perfect but it wasn't. It was our kind of perfect but we still had arguments, we still had issues, and we knew this.

Beautiful Beaches, Beautiful Boy

Junior and Senior spring break was spent with you in Florida for a week. Spring break was always something I had looked forward to with you because it was warm weather, beaches, tan skin, adventuring, and all of it was perfect with you by my side. We spent basically every day together during our vacations while still having a good time with our friends. That's what made our relationship so different though was the fact that we could be with our friends and be OK with it. You went out and did your own thing, while I did mine. Our relationship was realistic, leniant, and beautiful. So why didn't it work? Sometimes people fall apart while discovering who they want to be or where they want to go. While I had dreams and a plan, you had your own too. We use to have the same one but as time went on, it started to change. You wanted to go to out of the state/country while I wanted to be a few hours away from home for the first two years. We both wanted to have fun, separately but together since we never really got to experience what life was like without one another. This was the ending point and we both saw it coming.

Vacations

This was our last picture together before we broke up for good. After a long vacation in Florida, of course we planned to skip senior prom and go to Chicago for the weekend; that's how you were, always planning spontaneous things. That trip was our breaking point into the relationship to where we both knew it wouldn't work anymore. I became selfish, negative, and snippy while you were just trying to love someone who didn't want to be-- at least acted like so. I couldn't be upset about us breaking up if it was basically all my fault, right? Maybe, maybe not. I was upset for months, and to this day I still find myself feeling bittersweet because I let one of the good ones go. Within a week from this trip, we broke up and I didn't know the world without you.

It took me time to realize what it was like to be without you and while some days I was feeling on top of the world, some days I couldn't help but be reminded of you. An old shirt, a road in our small town, someone yelling "Safety," trees, poetry; everything and anything. Over a year and half has gone by and certain things still bring your name to my head, but it is normal and it is OK.

The Reality

Maybe your favorite color isn't purple anymore. Maybe you don't eat McDonald's as much as you use to. Maybe your love for NPR has decreased (we can only hope.) Maybe your life is everything you have imagined it could be. We have changed drastically since our break up but we have continued to grow. Just because you aren't part of my present doesn't mean you didn't take up a huge part of my outlook on my future. If someone tells you high school love doesn't last, shake your head at them because it does. What doesn't last is people who are not meant for forever which has nothing to do with falling in love at 12 years old or 37 years old-- it is all about the communication, faithfulness, love, goals, and equality that makes a relationship last. High school relationships create who you will become in the future while loving someone who could be your future spouse. High school relationships aren't perfect and they aren't easy, but they are so worth it. Remember that there is more to life than being upset about something that cannot be changed whether it's pouring at Orlando Studios or it's too windy in the Windy City of Chicago because that's what isn't worth it.

I know that we weren't one of the lucky ones, I know somedays I am going to miss you like hell, I know we will find our "home" again, I know things get easier from here. I am still waiting. Just because you were my first love, doesn't mean you will be my last, it just means you merely were just the one who shaped me into the women I am meant to be for the man I am meant to be with and I was lucky enough to have someone like you love me, first.

Here's to You My First Love:

Always,

Ses