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The 7 Stages Of Every Food Coma

Omg! Food is great! Let's eat so much we can't move. Yes, I'm committing the sin of gluttony, but eh.

Tess Kulikowski

Jan 30, 2017

Savannah College of Art and Design

190

Dreamatic

Ah food, one of the most important sources of life. Everyone loves food, and if you don't there is something wrong with you. I love food. Sometimes, you can eat too much food, leaving you paralyzed with lazyness and happiness. There is nothing better to be unable to get out of bed from a full tummy. Here are the steps to having a successful food paralyzing experience.

1. Pick your food

You are in total control of your experience. Feeling like a huge food coma? Pick heavy foods like Chinese food or maybe a chipotle experience. Looking for not as intense of an journey? Grab the candy of your choosing. Right now, I am into Hershey's cookies and creme bars. If you don't like candy: shame on you.

2. Buy lots of whatever you plan to eat.

Pretty straight forward. Stock up for the feast. BUY ALL THAT YOU CAN!

3. Find a space that you can food coma in

The whole point of the food coma is the amazing gravitational pull you feel towards whatever you are sitting on after the eating is over. Pick a couch, a bed, or something really comfy to stuff your face on.

4. EAT

YOU HEARD ME! EAT!

5. Wait for the feeling

Wait for the food to settle. The best part awaits. Be patient. I believe in you.

6. THE FOOD COMA

It's here! The peace that your body feels from being weighed down by all the food is incredible. No thoughts pass through your brain. All you can do is enjoy the full sensation.

7. SLEEEEEPPPPPP

After the best moment of your life, you slowly drift off in to a happy sleep with dreams of milk shakes and such. A high quality nap that I highly recommend. Your journey with the food coma is over, and you can do it all over again.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The 7 Stages Of Every Food Coma

Omg! Food is great! Let's eat so much we can't move. Yes, I'm committing the sin of gluttony, but eh.

1. Pick your food

2. Buy lots of whatever you plan to eat.

3. Find a space that you can food coma in

4. EAT

5. Wait for the feeling

6. THE FOOD COMA

7. SLEEEEEPPPPPP

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83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

Because smiling gives you wrinkles.

1. “When I first met you, I thought you were a b*tch.”

2. Somebody asks you if you’re mad at them at least once a day.

3. You always look unamused. Even when you are very amused.

4. Anna Wintour is your spirit animal.

5. You are never approached by people who are tabling on campus.

6. You have to practice smiling before you get your photo taken.

7. The word “judgmental” is thrown at you on the daily.

8. You make people visibly uncomfortable in section by glancing at them.

9. Your parents thought that this was just part of a teenage phase, but this is actually just your face.

10. Your face could get you out of jury duty.

It hits hard in college.

1. Excitement of the final year

2. Trying to take easy classes to make it out alive

3. Does attendance count for a grade?

4. Skipping once won't hurt me

5. Wait that is due?

6. I'm just trying to graduate

7. I'll just do this assignment during my other class

8. Patiently waiting

9. Rejection

10. Accepting that you might have gotten a degree for nothing

11. Probably should have studied for that test

12. Sanity > class

13. Finally an acceptance letter

14. Oh yeah, finals

15. Graduating!

You might not see them everyday anymore, but you're still friends and your text messages prove it.

1. "Should I skip class today?"

2. "Did you hear ________ is engaged?"

3. "When are you coming home?"

4. "I finally talked to the cute guy in my science lecture."

5. GIFs, on GIFs, on GIFs.

6. "I saw the cutest puppy on my walk to class this morning!"

7. "Do you remember when we ________ at ________?"

8. "I miss you."

Sometimes these things are both necessary and inevitable.

1. Spending their money - when they actually don't have any.

2. Take naps. Lots of naps.

3. Staying up late binge-watching a Netflix show when you have an early class.

4. Skip a class to do something completely unnecessary.

5. Putting all your homework off for the night before it's due just so you can do nothing for a night.

6. Going out on a Thursday night when you have a test the next day.

7. Making impulsive decisions.

8. Write an important paper in one night.

9. Classifying Ramen as your main food group.

10. Going on late night food runs - and I mean really late.

11. Having more than 3 cups of coffee a day.

12. Doing really dumb, irresponsible things when out with your friends.

13. Finishing an entire show on Netflix in less than a week.

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7. "Do you remember when we at ?"