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The 7 Stages Of Every Food Coma

Omg! Food is great! Let's eat so much we can't move. Yes, I'm committing the sin of gluttony, but eh.

Tess Kulikowski

Jan 30, 2017

Savannah College of Art and Design

192

Dreamatic

Ah food, one of the most important sources of life. Everyone loves food, and if you don't there is something wrong with you. I love food. Sometimes, you can eat too much food, leaving you paralyzed with lazyness and happiness. There is nothing better to be unable to get out of bed from a full tummy. Here are the steps to having a successful food paralyzing experience.

1. Pick your food

You are in total control of your experience. Feeling like a huge food coma? Pick heavy foods like Chinese food or maybe a chipotle experience. Looking for not as intense of an journey? Grab the candy of your choosing. Right now, I am into Hershey's cookies and creme bars. If you don't like candy: shame on you.

2. Buy lots of whatever you plan to eat.

Pretty straight forward. Stock up for the feast. BUY ALL THAT YOU CAN!

3. Find a space that you can food coma in

The whole point of the food coma is the amazing gravitational pull you feel towards whatever you are sitting on after the eating is over. Pick a couch, a bed, or something really comfy to stuff your face on.

4. EAT

YOU HEARD ME! EAT!

5. Wait for the feeling

Wait for the food to settle. The best part awaits. Be patient. I believe in you.

6. THE FOOD COMA

It's here! The peace that your body feels from being weighed down by all the food is incredible. No thoughts pass through your brain. All you can do is enjoy the full sensation.

7. SLEEEEEPPPPPP

After the best moment of your life, you slowly drift off in to a happy sleep with dreams of milk shakes and such. A high quality nap that I highly recommend. Your journey with the food coma is over, and you can do it all over again.

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The 7 Stages Of Every Food Coma

Omg! Food is great! Let's eat so much we can't move. Yes, I'm committing the sin of gluttony, but eh.

1. Pick your food

2. Buy lots of whatever you plan to eat.

3. Find a space that you can food coma in

4. EAT

5. Wait for the feeling

6. THE FOOD COMA

7. SLEEEEEPPPPPP

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

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Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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