This is the first piece of poetry I wrote after I got out of my first real relationship. I was angry, I felt used, I felt small. As a philosophical girl always questioning why and how anything happens at all, I couldn't just question myself or him. I had to question things greater, larger. Angrily, I wondered that, if there is a God with a plan for me, does he know what he's doing? This poem is for the tired skeptics. This poem is absolutely for the people in love with the idea that we could all be pawns in a giant game. This poem is especially for the people who have ever felt confused on what in this world could truly be "meant to be." (Note: I don't mean to make you depressed! Just enjoy the writing and take away from it what you will. I had stopped writing poems in the duration of my relationship and this was the first fresh piece I made after it was over)
Amateur
think of god as a puppeteer
adding screws there and here
unaware of the mistakes he always makes.
he isn't very good, I think he's still learning
his trial and error allow for constant yearning.
he creates and destroys with practice and poise,
but all he ends up with is head-splitting noise.
the amateur builds his puppets in the low, orange sun
exasperated, entangling the strings of his young.
now his puppets are bound in knots.
the clouds float down
presenting earth in a faint grey crown
the amateur grows weary of untying the two
the moon's almost out and there's so much to do.
"tomorrow," he says, "tomorrow they'll part."
so for one still night, our dolls grow closer in heart.
Morning sounds burden the builder awake,
he's perfectly aware of his forsaken mistake,
for in the night, out of mortal sight
the knot is even stronger.
The puppets are connected for eons longer.
I imagine this is how god plays with his girls and his boys; our wooden heavy hearts merely children's toys
tying and untying our unraveled, frayed knots--loosening our strings and ignoring our wishes for better things,
putting on plays for apparitions above
about fools on earth who fall in love.
