Unless you’re one of the lucky few that somehow manages to ALWAYS get parking on the first floor, then you know the struggle of parking in an FGCU parking garage. For those of you who live on campus and have the luxury of a 5-minute walking commute, allow me to explain. Picture yourself waiting in the longest airport security line possible. Except, you’re in your car, the closer you get to the front of the line the more you start to panic, and every time you turn a corner, you’re about 3.6 seconds away from having to contact your car insurance with an accident claim.

If you’re feeling really lucky, and I mean REALLY lucky, you might be daring enough to venture into parking garage 3. It’s the garage closest to the bus loop, and it somehow always manages to fill up the quickest and empty out the slowest. If you’re like me, you peek around the first floor for half a lap, and then head straight for the ramp fully aware of the fact that you are more likely to find a $50 bill on the ground walking to class than you are to find parking on the first floor of parking garage 3. Once this garage has failed you, again, you’re most likely to head over to parking garage 1, the garage behind Sugden Hall. You know you chances are better here, and are silently cursing yourself for not heading here first, but unless your class is the first or last of the day, chances are you’re still going to end up on the roof baking your car in the Florida sun.

To make matters even more exciting, let’s not forget to give a shout out to our fellow classmates who make the FGCU parking garage experience at least ten times more enjoyable:

• The Organizer: this student is one who sees you eagerly follow them to their car and patiently await their exit, and then decides that before pulling out of his or her parking spot they must first organize their entire life. This student takes an average of 1 minute before freeing up a parking spot (every second counts, folks).
• The Friend: this student is usually strolling to his or her car with a friend. Unfortunately, they are most likely not riding in the same car. This gives them no choice but to wrap up their conversation beside the car before deciding to part ways. Luckily, this student usually takes no more than 30 seconds to get the hint, but anyone who’s ever had slow Internet connection knows EXACTLY just how long 30 seconds can take.
• Lucifer: Plot twist! This student has just arrived on campus. They have found their parking spot and are ready to take on the day. Before doing so, this student usually spends about 2 to infinitive minutes in their car preparing themselves to face the world. This student’s downfall? FORGETTING TO TURN OFF THEIR LIGHTS. Sir, are you leaving, or…?

Regardless of which student you may have been guilty of being at some point in time, it’s important to recognize those times that you may have been that student we’ve all wanted to tackle with gratitude.

• Usain Bolt: This student sees you watching them, and they’re in just as much of a rush to leave campus as you are to get to that one class you have where the professor locks the door if you’re any more than 13 seconds late. Usain’s got your back, and he/she is going as fast as they can, regardless of how fast that may actually be.
• The Leader: While this student is a rare find, they do exist! If you’re lucky enough to come across this student once the look of despair starts creeping onto your face, he or she will point to their parking spot, and confidently powerwalk over to their car while you follow. They will quickly get into their cars and leave, allowing the process to continue as smoothly as possible. We often don’t get to thank the Leader in the way they deserve, but we know they leave knowing they did this world a service on that day.

Of course, there are ways around this situation. One tip I’m sure most of us hear/give is to “get there right before classes end on the hour.” There’s also that one parking garage in Narnia, the dirt lot, etc. but really, who wants to a.) Walk that far in this weather, or b.) Park in a vehicular oven. There has been talk of plans to build more parking garages to alleviate parking stress on campus, but until then, all we can do is keep our fingers crossed, and try to be more like the Usain Bolt’s and Leaders of FGCU parking garages.