The signs were there all along. Everyone told me that you were no good for me yet I chose not to listen. I thought you were different than the rest and something about you made my heart desire you. I ignored the comments and criticism of those who loved me all because I wanted you and I wanted us to work.
It all started with the yelling. You pinning the blame on me when I did nothing wrong. Drunk nights would turn into screaming matches and tears rather than laughs and cuddles. Shaking, crying, and feelings of worthlessness would creep up on me. I would stay up all night questioning where I went wrong but in reality it wasn't me. You would make me feel so terrible about who I was even though I did nothing wrong. You convinced me into thinking I was the crazy one and I was the one who was lying but in reality it was you all along.
The second sign was the small lies that kept adding up. Saying you were with friends, family, or that you were out of town became the new normal. I believed those things until I found out the truth for myself. Instead of spending time with your friends or your family you were spending time with another female. Sleeping with her in the bed I bought, watching the TV I paid for, inside the home that I paid rent on, and ignoring me. You thought you could get away with your games and that I would not find out. You belittled me and thought I was stupid but it was all too easy for me to find out.
The third sign came when you would throw the ultimatums at me randomly if I did not do the things you wanted me to do or the things you said I needed to do. Threats towards ending the relationship over something so small became all too common and eventually I became tired of them. It made no sense to me though, how we would be doing so well and spending every night together and making memories yet there was someone else that occupied your days.
The final sign was coming home from work some days to see my things put away in new places. You would tell me that you were just cleaning up, but the truth is you were cleaning up to have another girl come over. I didn't put two and two together which makes me the idiot. I should have recognized it was fishy from the start but gullible me didn't wanna believe the truth. Hidden texts, instant messages, and hangouts were all too common and I kept thinking everything was fine cause that was your constant reassurance.
How could I not have known. After finding out about your cheating and lies I look back and reflect on the entire relationship. It all makes sense now and it all adds up. I was just the girl you decided to use. You made me fall for you and you manipulated me into thinking that you loved and cared about me all so I could pay your bills and fund your lifestyle. Stupid me right? In the end I feel like the idiot but this has also made me realize my self worth and the things that I deserve.
There were so many nights that I would pack my things to leave and you would chase after the car and stupid me would come back. Believing the promises, forgiving the mistakes. Why didn't I run when I had the chance?
See I am left with a better understanding of who I am, what I want, and what I deserve. I deserve a love that is there for me as much as I am there for them. Someone who doesn't yell at me, someone who does not lie, someone who does not cheat, and someone that has the same work ethic and motivation that I have. A relationship should be double sided and fair whereas ours was one sided and more of and 80/20.
You are left with nothing and it hurts me to say that but it's your own damn fault. You had it all. You had someone that never turned their back on you, someone that didn't care if you worked or not, someone that bought you everything you wanted or needed, someone who loved you, cared for you, cried with you, held you when you needed it, someone that never gave up on you, but most of all someone that only wanted the best for you and a future with you. I tried to make the house a home for us. I cooked for you, served you, cleaned, shopped, did whatever was needed or asked of me but you repaid me by sleeping around.
I am no longer sad just disappointed that you turned out to be everything you promised you wouldn't be. Karma has a weird way of working and maybe one day you will realize how bad you hurt the girl that was down for you.
I will always have a love for you and I will always care but this is goodbye. I no longer need the pain. I no longer need to be brought down by you. I have dreams to accomplish and plans that are made.
