My husband Dan and I have been married since June 2014, and been a couple since January 2010. As we rapidly approach our seven year anniversary (!), I thought it would be nice to reflect on our time together. We took some questions recommended for newlyweds (Hey, two years is still new!!) and answered them together. This is unedited dialogue between a pretty silly couple- we warned you.
Author’s note: These questions specifically mention marriage, but that is only because Dan and I are married. They are just as relevant and important for any couple to discuss together be it married/committed/whatever your cup of tea is.
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Dan: Can we call this “Interview with a Dan-pire”?
Katherine: No.
What is the most important piece of advice for a happy marriage?
Dan: You should be talking whenever you can. It can be about important things, or about nothing, but it creates an important connection. I like that we don’t have to formally set aside time together to talk about our day. While that may work for other couples, since we talk during the workday, we never lose that connection.
Katherine: I agree. I used to wonder why my Mom would talk to my Dad on the phone while he was driving home from work. One time I actually overheard “Where are you now?” “I just pulled into the driveway.” AND THEY DIDN’T HANG UP UNTIL HE GOT IN THE HOUSE. I thought that was so odd- why would you sit on the phone, sometimes in silence, when he was coming home anyways?
Dan: Um, we do that all the time.
Katherine: I know! And it wasn’t until we started doing the same thing that I realized why. Even by spending time on the phone in silence, it send a message to your partner: I prefer to spend this time with you. And that gives you an incredible sense of value. I would rather sit in silence with you on the phone than in silence by myself. You even make the silence better.
Dan: Aw. Put that into a romantic comedy, damn it.
What is the thing that surprises you the most about marriage?
Dan: There are a couple things, actually. I thought that since I would be spending so much time with you, it would become routine to come home and see you. But I am genuinely happy and so excited to see you every day. And that great, safe feeling I have being with you makes me feel not even comfortable, but so liberated. And it was so surprising how quickly that happened. It didn’t need to grow over time. I never thought I would be comfortable being naked around another person, or talking about poop. And that just goes to show that I really am with the right person. I don’t feel that comfortable with anyone else.
Katherine: Gee, I feel so honored…
Dan: *farts* Write that I farted down! It’s the perfect response- it’s funny. I love you.
Katherine: Moving on...I feel a similar way but rather than being excited to see you, I would describe it as reaching homeostasis. My normal, my balanced state, is with you. Hell, that is why we walked down the aisle together at our wedding. You were the person I wanted by my side. (No offense, Dad.) Seeing you at the end of the day, feels like taking off my bra. It is a return to my natural, relaxed state.
Dan: Now who feels honored?
What is the hardest thing about being married?
Dan: There are some things that I can’t support you on. Like if you would rather talk to your parents. All I can say it “It’s gonna be ok.” It’s hard to tell you that when things are going really poorly. I wish I could fix your problems.
Katherine: For me, the hardest part is all of the stress that comes with your life at about the age you get married. New jobs, new financial obligations like homes and cars, maybe even kids. I think when your life is in such a state of flux that it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own world and you lose sight of your life together. So maintaining that connection we mentioned earlier is crucial because it keeps you grounded. Me and you vs. the world. I think we can do it.
Dan: Hell yeah.
