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Health and Wellness

The Semi Colon

The Story Continues

Kyrsten Leake

Aug 23, 2017

Brigham Young University Idaho

Pixabay

To many the semi colon is a symbol that a story doesn’t end and that it continues. I’ve been lucky and blessed to have a tattoo of a semi colon butterfly who I named Finley in honor of a little girl who changed my life.The reason why it is in the shape of a butterfly is another story.

As many know, the last two months have been the hardest two months I’ve dealt with in awhile. I got out of my eleven month relationship, I am currently unemployed, moved back with my mom and had my mental health deteriorate.

I spent weeks crying over everything. I spent sleepless nights trying to forget the days before. My legs became full of scars. I didn’t know what to do anymore. My life was a mess. I was drowning. In a way, I’m still drowning.

I wanted to end it at one point because I thought that all the pain and suffering would be over. I would finally be in a better place. It wasn’t until I saw my little sister ball her eyes out at that statement I made that I realized that will never be an option.

I’m sick. My depression is a disease that has decided to rear its ugly head of hers and take over my thoughts and emotions. It is the reason why I get depression screened every single time I go to the doctor. I wonder if I am going to get another job or how I am going to pay for things because again life just didn’t go in my favor.

But I have to keep going. I have to live.

I choose to live for my sisters who are my best friends. I choose to live for the boy who came into my life and swept me off my feet. I choose to live for the doctors who I know will get me the help that I need.

I can’t dwell on the boy who broke my heart. I can’t dwell on the fact that I currently do not have a job. Life happens.

I need to keep going. My story isn’t over. I am only twenty years old. I have a whole life ahead of me.

Some days suck. Some days I curl up into a ball and hope my anti depressants kick in so I can feel some sort of relief. Some days I am very smiley and happy because of the little things.

Someone close to me recently told me that I was tough and that I was worth it after opening up to them.

I realized that I am worth it. Again, my story isn’t over. I have so much to live for. I am going to make a difference in the world someday so I can’t give up now even though somedays I want to. I am going to keep fighting for the people who didn’t. I want to keep fighting for those who thought that their fight was too hard. I am fighting to keep my story going and I will keep that story going for as long as I live.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Semi Colon

The Story Continues

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

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