When you think of long distance, what comes to mind? Do you think about your friend that's in a long distance relationship? Do you think about all the negative aspects of long distance? Or do you just simply consider the fact that you've never seen it work, so you don't even try? All of these are common responses and nothing is wrong with each answer. Honestly, I was skeptical too. Key word: was.

I am in a long distance relationship and none of the negative thoughts listed above ever come to mind. I don't worry about if over 300 miles will come between us. (I mean that figuratively because there are literally 300 miles lying between us on the map.) I also don't think about how hard it is because it's so much more than a long distance relationship.

I often get asked, "How do you do it?" "Do you get lonely?" "Do you see each other a lot?" "What's the secret?". I'll tell you this, please do not continuously ask somebody that's in a long distance relationship these questions, once is enough. I do not mean this in a rude way, I simply want you to know that each person you ask will say something different. Why? Well, each relationship is different, so I am not speaking on behalf of every person in a long distance relationship, but strictly speaking for myself, though others may agree. Now, while I do have an answer for these questions, "What's the secret?" stands out the most.

Sadly, there is no secret. I wish I could say, "You just have to love each other" or "You have to have a lot of free time to talk". These responses are arguable, but also not always true. I'll give you a personal example about how having extra free time is nice, but is not the solution.

My boyfriend works at night from 10pm to 6am. I have class from 8am and work from the time class is over until 6pm. Sounds complicated, I know, but once you've been doing it for a while it gets easier. Think about it, we have to sleep sometime, and make time for our own responsibilities and friendships. Some days we find ourselves on completely difference schedules and that is perfectly okay. That doesn't mean we don't like each other as much since we don't mind not talking for a day, no. That just means we both understand we have separate jobs, friends, and different responsibilities right now.

Part of why we work so well is because we have patience. Truthfully, he has taught me what patience looks like because that is something I used to lack, and I can say that freely. We balance each other out extremely well. For example, I stress and rarely does he, I have moments of uncertainty and he likes to give thoughtful compliments, I exercise and well...he prefers to spend his time otherwise, I eat healthy more often than not and him being him would love to have steak everyday, he knows cars like the back of my hand and I love to listen, he can fix anything and I like saving money so I have a personal handy man. See? We fit.

While differences are important, so are similarities. I believe that differences make relationships more fun because you are constantly learning about each other. If everything between the two of you were the same, nothing would ever change, how would you grow? (Now, I could be wrong. This is just a personal opinion.) Also, having similar characteristics and interests can be exciting, too! More specifically, we both like cars and racing (if you ask him, I am always looking for a race to attend), neither or us prefer peanut butter, we are both adrenaline junkies, we both drink our coffee black (him more than me, but still), we both cherish quality time where we can sit and chat about anything and everything, and most importantly we each have a love for God that is greater than that for each other.

I mention these similarities because not every conversation you have has to be about the deepest things, rather you can embrace where you are. Those of you in distance relationships know it's hard to constantly be so serious without physically being together. It's okay to have light hearted, goofy conversations because sometimes that's when you learn the most, but it is still important to invest in deeper conversations.

Okay, since there is no secret, I will do my best to give some hints as to how it can run more smoothly, per say?

First of all, if you have confidence that your relationship can work then trust will follow right along. If you have trust, you allow each other to have freedom for other friendships and activities. If you have trusted freedom, you begin to think "Would (name) be okay with this?" And once you ask yourself this question, you have a whole new perspective and care for the other individual, thus making your relationship stronger.

I'm not an expert, but this all comes with time and plenty of it. My boyfriend and I have known each other since middle school. We did not know each others deepest darkest secrets when we were 12 or even when we were 15, and maybe not even now as 19 year olds. Every little thing comes with time and, like I have learned, patience.

Many times you find yourself learning more about yourself through this other person. Though you may learn from them, you cannot let them create you. As an individual, you have your own interests, weaknesses, dislikes, and fears. And so do they. Please, do not let the other influence you into doing something you are against, and vise versa. I see it as, you're not married, so you aren't "one" and you are still you and "there is no one alive that is youer than you" (Dr. Seuss).

The greatest aspect of making this work is individuality. If you can, do not feel obligated to change for this other person, though it is okay to change as an individual. We are constantly growing and our minds are continuously developing. For instance, if I asked my boyfriend 6 years ago, "mountains or beach," he would probably say mountains, but now he would say beach. In short, it's perfectly okay to change your mind and preferences, that's normal, but remain to true to yourself (morals, and what you stand for) because chances are, that could be why they enjoy you and chose to be with you.

In addition, like everybody will tell you, communication is key. They aren't wrong. If you can't talk often, just check in once or twice throughout the day even if you know they will not respond. This helps with many things, but mainly giving reassurance that everything is okay between y'all and you're thinking about them. Trust me, it's comforting.

Last and definitely most important, whether you are a believer or not, find a common ground. Something that you both base your actions off of. In other words, if you have similar morals, it is tremendously easier. For us, God is the center. We keep in mind that we want our relationship to please The Lord in all we do. Because of our love for God, we can keep each other accountable and pray for each other through the rough patches.

As a whole, long distance is a lot to handle, but completely possible. Don't get down if you don't see them for a month or even two because one of the best parts is seeing them after a long time. You get to run into a big welcoming hug that not many people can give. You'll always have tons of stories to tell and a great appreciation for the other individual. Long distance has it all. It's fun, hard, and every other emotion in between.