Everybody has them: relationships and relationship drama.

We know that life isn’t all sunshine and daffodils, but there’s one important aspect of relationships that a lot of us fail to remember - or are too stubborn to do - and it leads to a lot of conflict.

Think back to the last argument you had with someone that you’re close to, whether it be your significant other, a parent, a sibling, or even your boss. Someone in the situation was probably annoyed by something the other person did, or someone thought the other person was upset when they really weren’t; but by the time they realized everything was fine, the other person really did get upset because they were acting weird and upset. (Confusing, yes, but you know exactly how that pointless fight goes.) Whatever the situation was, ask yourself if the problem could have been stopped or even completely avoided, if both parties had openly communicated with one other and said what was on their minds. There’s a good chance that this would have helped.

For example, let’s use a common argument that’s in a lot of romantic relationship situations. Say that the girlfriend is upset and because the boyfriend has been dating her awhile, he can sense it, so he asks her what’s wrong or if she is upset. She replies with the classic answer, “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal.” The boyfriend will either a) continue prying until she unravels all of the truth behind her cliché answer, or b) he’ll simply shrug his shoulders, say okay, and continue on with his life. In this scenario, let’s say that the boyfriend takes what she says at a face value and carries on as if she really is “okay.” Naturally, this will make the girlfriend even more upset and before you know it, they’ve found themselves in a full-blown argument.

You see where the problem is? It’s in their communication - or lack thereof.

While the whole concept of romantic relationships being an “interesting game” for some people is an entirely separate topic in itself, if you’re mature and have moved past the silly dramatic games, you must say how you feel. When something is bothering you, let the other person know. Let them know exactly what is bothering you, why it bothers you, how it makes you feel, and how you want it solved. Once everything is out on the table, everyone becomes aware of what’s going on and things can begin to get fixed.

When there is communicating going on, there is a whole lot of listening involved too. When you’re listening to the other person say how they feel, really listen and try to put yourself in their shoes. Pretend you’re them and think about the things they’re saying that bothers them; try to relate. Don’t just nod and talk over them or wait until they’re done so that you can jump in and give your side of the argument.

Now this isn't to say that communicating will always solve your problems; of course there will be times in a relationship when you can't help but fight. We know that a decent amount of arguing can be healthy for any relationship because it helps you understand the way each other thinks and it shows that you both care enough and are willing to make the relationship work. If there’s a major amount of fighting going on, your relationship might be suffering from more than just communication problems. In that case, you should probably reassess how effective the relationship is and go from there. But if you really truly love the person you share the relationship with, making this one small change could potentially save the future for the two of you.