I turned 19 on May 16th, and I took this picture of myself on May 22nd. I rarely take pictures of myself, so this was weird. But I have a point.

For as long as I can remember, I struggled with self-confidence issues. I was always comparing myself to others, wishing I looked differently. I even wished I was somebody else completely. It was incredibly unhealthy, and it started to control me. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this was probably the biggest source of most of my problems.

I was scrolling through Goodreads the other night, as I do quite often, and I came across a Mark Twain quote that really opened my eyes: “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” It made me stop for a second and think. Why do we spend such a large portion of our laves being so critical of ourselves? Everything I’ve ever done, I was always so hard on myself after it was all done and not in a way that was constructive. I used to blame myself for a lot of things; people would leave me, others treated me like garbage, and I was convinced that it was all my fault. On top of that, I really just did not like what I looked like. Typical, I suppose, of a teenage girl surrounded by people she thought were better than her because of how she was treated and how people treated others around her. It was a bad way to live.

Again, I’ve struggled with self-confidence for the longest time, and I rarely tell people that I’m self-conscious, because it’s an uncomfortable topic and all people would do was tell me things to make me feel better, and I never believed them, because the only person whose assurance I needed was myself. I just didn’t know it yet. But here I am, a few years later and I’m learning more about who I am, and accepting myself. And I can tell you, I’ve never felt better.

My dad found this Youtube video a couple years ago. Dove did a project on perception, involving people having to face the choice of labeling themselves as beautiful, or average. Stores had two doors labeled “beautiful” and “average,” and customers had to choose which door to walk through. Most women walked through the average door. And I can tell you, I think a year ago, I would have struggled with which door to walk through. I still might struggle with it. But I think my whole perception of myself would change if I had the courage to walk through the beautiful door, because “beautiful is a great word… why not see what’s on the other side?”

If we all started to think about ourselves less critically, we’d be a hell of a lot happier. I’m not saying it’s easy. I mean it did take me like three years. And it still hurts, of course. It’s still something I struggle with, but we have got to stop being so judgmental of who we are. Like that picture I took of myself, there’s plenty about me that isn’t perfect. I’ve got my insecurities, as we all do, but the important part is that aside from all of that, I like who I am. I have my passions and I’m verbal about them; I have my beliefs and I’m verbal about those as well, but I am also respectful of others. I could go on with reasons why I like the person I’ve become, but for the sake of being succinct, I won’t. Instead, think about one of my favorite quotes.

The full Measure of a man is not to be found in the man himself, but in the colors and textures that come alive in others because of him. — Albert Schweitzer.

Love yourself, and you might find that the world won’t seem as heavy.