I don't normally like to use the word hate, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I hate failure. Its presence in my life drives me absolutely insane, so I focus too much time on not letting it creep into my life. I make great efforts towards studying harder, observing the situation better, and fully preparing myself for the tasks I set out to conquer. Whether it's not getting the grade I wanted on an exam or not being "good enough" for something, failure is definitely present in my life more abundantly than I'd like it to be. But what actually is a failure?
I think everyone has their own definitions of what it means to fail. I may have too high of expectations for who I want myself to be, but I have the cursed blessing of believing that absolutely anything is possible. While this optimistic mindset is helpful when I'm feeling down and need to pick myself back up, this way of thinking also causes much distress when I can't achieve the certain ideas I thought I could. For me, I have a picture in my head of the ideal person I want to be. I have thoughts of what I think my hair or outfit should look like, what I should say in certain scenarios, and what I should be capable of achieving. So, my biggest failures derive from me setting myself up for my own failure. Too often, I find myself expecting this idea of perfection that I have created then being disappointed when I fall short of those standards.
Obviously, I know perfection is an unachievable myth that will continue to be just out of my reach as I inch towards improving myself. However, I can't help but strive for the idea of flawlessness with hopes that one day I'll achieve the unachievable. Except, perfection is exactly that: unachievable -- it cannot be obtained no matter how hard I work towards it. Somebody will always be better than what I am, or have something better than what I have. So, I am continuously unable to achieve this far-fetched idea of perfection.
Consequently, I find myself face to face with failure more often than I would hope. I fail every day when I do not live up to my own standard of perfection. However, I know that my failures are seemingly minuscule to some people, as someone else's failures may seem to me. Some students will be devastated if they earn a B on an exam while others may be joyous about the D they earned. So, yes, maybe my failures seem annoying because I realize they're set up by my unrealistic expectations, yet, the failures I experience are personal to me. They hurt just as much as yours do to you.
Failure is not fun, and it's not entirely preventable. So, what do we do besides wallow in our said failed life? We learn from it. You didn't get the grade you wanted? Study more. Ask for help. Do what you can to achieve what you're capable of. However, if you're like me, you need to remember that you aren't capable of perfection no matter how hard you try. But, that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
I will probably always strive for an unachievable level of perfection, but what I need to work on is understanding that just because I fail at something doesn't mean I'm a failure. And, I'm not going to stop trying to improve myself to that standard because it allows me to strive towards great goals. However, I do need to better use my failures as a lesson instead of getting so upset about them. My dad always told me: "Your best will always be good enough, it has to be." So, I guess that's my conclusion, I have to do my best-- because it will always be good enough. Don't be afraid of failure, grow from it.
