Breakups are never easy. Someone almost always cries. Begs for another chance that isn’t given. Someone feels like they could’ve done more. In the end, what seemed like the perfect fairytale ended up not being what you thought it would be.
For me, it was eleven months of laughing till I was crying. Moments where I could fall asleep to a simple I love you. It was days spent ranting about how much work sucked and how being with each other was better. It was sleepovers that turned into nights where we couldn’t sleep without each other. It was eleven months of off and on again and tears every time it was off and trying my hardest when it was on. The tears were there when I watched my best friend change into a person who I never thought he would become. That’s how I knew it was over for good.
I tell myself that he’s not worth my time and she’s not good for him. I tell myself that I have someone in my life who could potentially make me so happy that I wouldn’t remember this. I tell myself that no matter how sad I am moving out of my apartment, it is for the better. God has other plans for me.
I go through waves of wanting it back and then realizing that it was toxic, but loving that person enough that you would do anything to make it work.
I realized I wasn’t sorry for some of the words said in fights because then they mattered. I matter. I refuse now to let someone walk all over me and make me feel like I was nothing. I deserve to be happy and feel loved. It was fighting with you because I wanted you over your games. I needed you and you wanted them and to go out with whoever. I just wanted you.
I constantly got a lecture about how video games were super important and how I always picked fights. I never understood how someone could sit in front of a screen for hours just playing games. Again, I just wanted you. I wanted to save our relationship. That’s why I fought. I fought so badly that my cheeks were constantly tear-stained and I was unhealthy.
You and I together are toxic. It has taken me a while to realize how toxic it would be. I will never forget the boy with the blue eyes I fell in love with at the fair. The boy who ate watermelon with me and talked about life. He took me on adventures to places and told me stories about his past. He asked me to be his girlfriend while standing in a river and I got too excited so I kissed the boy instead of giving him an answer.
I love you. I will always love you but I’m not the princess in this fairytale. I’m the girl who put out her heart and got hurt.
It’s sad and painful to see someone exit your life but then you look at the future and realize your prince will come. It won’t be the boy you originally thought but it’s okay.
Sometimes, love teaches you a lesson in different ways. Fairytales teach you how to fall in love but they don’t teach you how to fall out of love.
