As we near Valentine's Day, I have had it laid on my heart to do a series on relationships. If we're honest, we know that relationships matter to us. Relationships are part of our everyday life, whether it's dating, work, or friendships. Often times, we try to find our identity in these relationships.
Dating in middle school is hard. Everyone's going through changes, trying new things, and hoping to get out of their comfort zone. Everyone just wants to be grown.
I had a relationship in middle school that I personally thought was going well. Things were great, and we seemed happy together. We had faced adversity head-on together. Then the day came when it wasn't, and it ended.
I was crushed. My initial thought was, “Where did things go wrong? What did I do wrong?" Of course, looking back now, I realize that things just weren't meant to work out, but I kept questioning why. Why did it happen? What more could I have done?
If I'm being honest, I let that relationship define who I was. Of course, dating a cheerleader, whether it's in middle school or high school, tends to be a big deal. I let that relationship, and who she was, define who I was. I now realize that shouldn't have been the case.
Last semester, Jesse did a series at Engage called "When I Grow Up." This was a series on how we should let our identity be found in Christ, rather than in relationships, our careers, and other things that pass away, as well as how to use those things to fulfill our mission on this earth as Christians.
Of course, the night Jesse spoke on relationships, this hit me like a ton of bricks. The more I pondered that night and reflected, the more I realized that I made the mistake of letting that relationship in middle school define who I was at the time, and when it ended, the identity I thought I had was stripped away. I lashed out. I pushed a once good friend, as we had been prior to our relationship, away. I let the identity I thought I had in that relationship get in the way of a good friendship.
The point I'm trying to make is, we can't find our identity in our relationships with others. There's really only one relationship that matters on this earth, and it matters for eternity.
Our relationship with God is the most important relationship we can have. If we focus on that relationship and get it right, all the other relationships in our lives will become stronger.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (ESV)." Some versions use the word spur. What this means is, we have to push one another and encourage one another in our walk in Christ.
Of course, my story didn't end with that relationship. I've realized that it didn't work out because God had something greater in mind for me than I had in mind for myself. After going through a really toxic relationship in 2017, and allowing that to help my faith in Christ blossom more, I worked on my relationship with God for several months. Then, God sent the person He had in mind for me in the fall of 2018, and we have been together ever since.
The takeaway is people are going to let you down. Relationships aren't always going to work out. We live in a broken and fallen world. There is only one relationship that matters, and that's our relationship with God. Our identity is found in Him.
