I grew up in a Christian home where I was always taught biblical values. From the time I was young my parents made it clear that dating and marrying someone who was also a Christian was highly important. I was able to see a great example from my parents who showed what marriage should look like.

In middle school, I was in this all girls small group that was lead by a woman in our church. One night for our small group time she shared with us a story. Her sister had once sat down and made a list of all the qualities and things she was looking for in her future husband. She had the list with her, which was written on a ripped out piece of lined notebook paper. She shared with us how one day here sister came to her and showed her the list and said that she had thought she found the man that fulfilled her list. Today, she is still happily married to that same man and they have 3 kids together.

After sharing this story with us, our leader wanted us to do something similar. She gave us a red piece of paper and some pens and told us to start brainstorming a list. She encouraged us not to leave out any little details. If we wanted flowers every other week that should be on our list. As a young seventh grader my thoughts about relationships and marriage probably weren’t all to mature yet. But at that age I at least had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted. As a group we were to hold each other accountable for these lists and to make sure that any guy we came across would fulfill them. We started calling them our Red Lists.

In my experience since, I have seen many teenage and early twenties girls losing sight of what their expectations and hopes for relationships and marriage are. Girls easily see a cute boy and lose sight of all the other important things.

So I want to give encouragement to any young, single girl out there. Take some time to think through what you really want in a man and then write those things down. It doesn’t matter if you’re in middle school, high school, or your 30 years old. Keeping sight of not only your expectations but God’s expectations for you is so important.

Remember that no one is perfect. But make a list of your “non-negotiables”. That might include what he does for you, how often he says I love you, his attitude, how many kids he wants, where his heart is, and what his relationship with God is like. It can be as long as you want. Then I encourage you to pray over those things and don’t stop until God shows you the man to fulfill those expectations.