Beyond the cover of “the best years of one’s life” is the reality of college—the beauty and the ugliness. Looking back on my first year of college, I would say that there were definitely many ups and downs–various experiences and countless lessons.
You don’t have to have friends right when you enter college.
One of my biggest fears was that I would not have many friends because I am naturally a very shy person. I want to be friends with people but it is hard for me to go out of my comfort zone to do so. As a result, I keep to myself and do not talk much. The summer before my first year, I befriended some of my peers (as a comfort blanket). As we became increasingly close, the anxiety and nervousness surrounding college decreased. I always imagined that we would be inseparable when the year started. I failed to realize that when the year commenced, we would all have separate lives and different classes and residence halls, which would create a widening gap in our friendship. I soon met a completely different crowd of individuals and lost touch with those who I had initially befriended.
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Try new experiences but do not overdo it.
My first semester was incredibly difficult emotionally. My lack of friends (because of my shyness) and friend drama resulted in my increasing dislike of my school. I would stay cooped up in my dorm room on Friday and Saturday nights and eat/watch Netflix (a relaxing combination once in a while), while others went out and had fun. I was not experiencing college to the fullest. I started to consider transferring because I was unhappy but upon reflection, I realized that it was not the school but my own unwillingness to go out of my comfort zone. I wanted my second semester to be different. I tried to be more outgoing by interacting with people. I went out more and joined a sorority through which I met a great group of individuals, who are now my best friends. While I tried new experiences, I significantly overdid it because I always wanted more. I was so scared that the whole college experience was slipping away. It consumed me to the point that I made choices and decisions that negatively impacted who I was and others’ perception of me. It impacted my friendships and by the end, I became a person that even I did not recognize. And that is the scariest feeling.
Stop worrying about what others think.
Many of my friends can attest that my second semester was a constant fixation on what others thought. I was so caught up in being liked by everyone that one person’s negative perception would significantly impact me. I would go out of my way to figure out why he/she did not like me and try to rectify it. I would try so hard not to mess/screw things up that I would end up messing up significantly. I often took actions that were not reflective of who I am (realization only occurring when I look back now). I was never happy because I was always overwhelmed and consumed with others' impressions of me. All in all, more than anything, I was not being true to myself.
Let go and enjoy the moment.
The best moments in college were the carefree nights spent with my roommate and best friends. Those were the moments when I would not care about what others thought and enjoyed spending time with the people who were always there for me. Those moments were the most precious and most memorable ones of my first-year.
Be honest with yourself.
Many of the lessons I learned boiled down to being honest with myself. If I had taken moments to reflect on what I want/who I am, I would not have made a majority of the decisions that I ended up making. It was only when I came home for the summer that I realized there were major changes that needed to be made. It took a while to understand what it is that went wrong. I had many enjoyable experiences, and ones that could have been enjoyable if I had not overdone it/over-processed the events. Sometimes, one needs to take a step back to realize what is happening around. The comforting aspect is learning from past experiences and mistakes and rectifying them to enjoy the next three years.
