I grew up in Colonie, New York, just outside of the capital. It’s a white little suburb, nothing particularly special. But nonetheless, it was home. This August I packed up my life and moved to Aiken, South Carolina for school.

14 hours away.

But this isn’t a tale of homesickness (although I could write a novel about it). I sat down here to talk to you about the differences, the real differences, between New York and South Carolina.

First thing, there are churches EVERYWHERE around here. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a place of worship. And for someone (like myself) who is intimidated by anything even remotely God related, it’s very uncomfortable. Luckily, I’ve made some open-minded friends who don’t mind my ignorance and have even tried to educate me on such matters. So, thanks guys!

Second thing, southerners are not as sweet as you think. They’re just as rude as northerners (yeah, I said it). Despite the almost nauseating overuse of sugar in their drinks, southerners are just as salty as the rest of us. While, you may come across a few country bumpkins, much like their beloved sweet tea and Mellow Yellow, the sweetness is artificial.

Speaking of sweet tea, let’s talk about food for a bit. There is so much fried chicken. There are about four fast food chains solely dedicated to chicken. Ever heard of Zaxbys? Yeah, me neither, but that fast food place is like another type church down here.

Honestly, most of the food down here is good, but being a vegetarian makes it tough to enjoy everything. The only foods I have a real issue with around here are grits and collard greens. I don’t know who made the decision to eat wilted leaves covered in vinegar, but they should be punished. And as for grits… why, just why?

I would also like to add that the pizza down here sucks.

Another thing, I’ve never seen a group of people so proud of where they live. Southerners are so aggressively southern. Simply Southern t-shirts are a staple in every wardrobe. Southern Home is a very popular food brand. Palmetto trees are on the back of almost every vehicle. We get it, you’re southern, relax. Also, I always thought the term “redneck” was an insult, but no, calling someone a redneck is a compliment.

College football is another thing that’s a big deal down here. I can’t imagine why, but whatever. Tailgate it up, y’all.

Why don’t they have front license plates? It just looks wrong. And why is everything monogrammed? I don’t care about your initials. Why do you need your initials on everything? Why do they have gigantic stores on the side of the highway that sell fireworks? Who in their right mind would trust that? Why is everyone so obsessed with duck season? Why don’t they eat salad?

I have no idea. Maybe I’ll never know. But hey, I live here now. I’ll always be a New Yorker, but a little southern charm couldn’t hurt, right?