About a few months ago I read a book called No More Than Skins. In it, there was a chapter that recorded a conversation between the author, Cai, and his friend, Lee, after Cai came back from his dad's funeral. Cai told Lee that during the time while he was back home, he often found himself biking around the town without a destination in his head, and he gradually lost interest in working. "I guess that's normal because I just lost my father," Cai said to Lee. But Lee laughed gently and said, "No, that's an excuse you gave to yourself. It is because you are scared to face your real problem." "While your father was still alive, your motivation was to work hard so you can support your family and make enough money to treat your father's heart disease. But now you feel lost. It is not only because you lost your dear father but also because you lost your motivation to live. To fight again." Lee's words triggered me to think: what's my motivation to live.
I realized that, somehow, I am thinking like the author. When I was in middle school, I dreamed of a life in high school so I can have more freedom; when I got into high school, I dreamed of going to college so I can become a real adult. But now I am in college, I stopped dreaming because I can't picture my future anymore. Honestly, I feel pretty anxious about the future. It is just too uncertain for me.
I am stuck in the same place as the author: when the future became blurred, we lost the courage and determination to walk forward.
It is the question that we have to answer after all: what do we actually live for? Do we live for someone like our parents or siblings? Or do we live for something like power and money? Do we live for love? But right now the love of my life is probably wandering around on the other side of the planet, waiting for me to find him. Ugh, that's just... nonsense. So, what am I chasing after all? You might as well ask yourself the same question. When you are busy studying for an exam, anxiously preparing for an interview, or sweating on a treadmill, do you ever think about what you are chasing after?
We are all clear about what we want and what we are chasing after, but most of the time, because we are too anxious about reaching our goals, we ignored to live properly. What I mean is, we focused too much on what will happen in the future, but forgot that we also need to live to live. It's like ruing for a marathon that every runner knows to run to the finish line, but they are running also because they enjoy the process of running. Otherwise, they can just all drive to the finish line. And life is like a marathon too, so I wish you don't forget to enjoy the process while on your way to your destination. If you don't, maybe try to consider another path;);)
