I love my family. They have always been my support system, my shoulder to cry on, and sometimes, the air to inflate my ego just a tad. Like most other families, all mine has ever really wanted from me is to give everything my best effort. Now, I was never very sporty. The extent of my physical activity was, and still mostly is, going to the fridge to get a snack and back. With that being said, all of my best effort was put into school. I worked as hard as I could be be at the top of my class. Sure, I had the occasional sleepover, but really I was a bookworm. Still to this day my family calls me "The Nerd Queen".

With this "All A's" mentality, my senior year of high school was focused on one thing and one thing only: getting into a college that would make people proud of me. By this point, all I wanted was for people to give me a pat on the back in regards to my academics. Well, that and to make lots of money. All I really knew about a career was that the good ones make bank, and I wasn't going to settle for anything else. With all of this in mind, I decided to be a veterinarian. I had job shadowed for one once, and sure I had almost passed out in the operating room, but it was still neat. My whole family was so incredibly proud of me, and were even more so when I decided that I was going to a college known for being the "Harvard of the South".

But see, this is where we run into some conflict. First things first, I really had no clue what I wanted. I had always loved animals, and people that love animals become veterinarians. Sure, I had almost passed out that one time and cried once or twice when seeing a pitiful dog, but no job would be perfect, right? Second, the college I decided to go to was the only one I had ever visited, and one of only three I applied to. Take it from me, that's a bad choice. And third, even though I loved the campus I chose, the main reason I wanted to go to this school was because that was the one that would make the most people happy. Frankly, that was all I knew; if people were happy with your decision, that must mean it's the right one.

In the meantime, I graduated from high school and got a summer job. After all, even after the scholarships I got, I still had some tuition that had to be paid out-of-pocket. This wasn't any job, though, this was for the state park that was literally less than ten minutes from my house. It all started with me having to volunteer for a "Halloween History Trail" out there through a high school club. I remembered being so nervous because my recent ex was also out there for the same volunteering opportunity, but so excited because I was able to dress up as a fox and tell kids riddles. As it turned out, the ranger I met worked with me to make my night as comfortable and as fun as possible. That night clued me in on how amazing that park was, and from there I started going on guided hikes with that same ranger. It was on a New Year's Hike that she told me I should apply for a Museum Attendant job that had just opened up for the summer, and on a Sunset Hike where I was interviewed in all of my sweaty glory.

What I didn't realize was how much of an impact that job would make on me. The ranger that I had first met on that Halloween History Trail turned into my mentor. The first day on the job, she did a program for a school group with a California King Snake named Roger. I remember her coming over to me after and me mentioning that I wanted to be able to do things like that, and her instant reply being "Okay, here you go!" before putting the snake in my arms. At first, I was mortified. I had never in my life held a snake, but as the initial shock wore off, I realized how sweet he was. Then it occurred to me... I might have scored the absolute best summer job ever.

I learned so much in that one season. I learned that boss treated me more like family than I ever thought someone with that position would; even her children would yell "Family!" every time they saw me. I learned that my park was a Birds of Prey Rehabilitation Center. Some birds had injuries that were too severe for them to be able to survive in the wild, so they were used as programming animals. I was able to hold so many owls that my little heart could barely stand it. One owl in particular I was really close with, as he lived in the museum. I would get him out almost every day, to the point where he started to think I was his mom. The Seasonal Ranger even let me sit in on his programs and learn how to do them myself. By the end of July, I was starting to do educational programs, too. I was so happy that summer, but it soon came to an abrupt halt.

It was time for me to go to college. I made sure to tell people all summer how excited I was, and I got plenty of praise for choosing such an amazing university. After all, they did not choose just anyone to go there. On the night before I left, my mom, dad, and best friend were talking before bed. Suddenly, I broke down crying. They kept asking me what was wrong, if I was okay, but I truthfully had no clue. I was sure all college kids had a hard time moving from family, and I was no different. Then, my mom paused and looked me straight in the eyes with a caring look that only wanted to comfort her child. "Do you not want to go?" she asked, "It's okay if you don't". I told her the same thing I was thinking, that I was sure it would just take time to adjust.

So the next day, I moved in. Sure, one of the cars broke down and I was crying on and off the whole time, but I moved in. I was going to be a veterinarian, and I was going to make people proud. I knew I was going to do it, but not a single day went by without me crying. I missed home, I missed the familiar, and I missed that summer of happy. Every time I visited my family, I would cry coming into town and passing my park because I knew that I would have to leave it in two days time.

This went on for two months before I finally had to withdraw. The RA's and my university best friend were shocked, but they helped me pack my things while my mom and grandfather drove two hours to come get me. I was sad, unhappy, and embarrassed. I cried the entire way home; I knew I had let everyone down and made a fool of myself. No one else saw it that way, but I was convinced that they did. The only people that knew that I had come back were my family and my friend back home that had helped me move in on the first day.

Now, I'm going to take a brief pause to say how I believe in divine intervention. Whatever religion you are, or if you don't have one at all and your "divine intervention" is "sheer luck", I believe things sometimes happen in such perfect timing that they cannot be explained. I say all of that to say this... Less that 24 hours late, my boss from the summer sent me a quick message asking if I would be back for the Halloween History Trail again this year. I was shocked, but at the same time, had an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I had not felt in what seemed like forever. I talked to my parents about it, and they told me to do what made me happy. And so the first time, I did. I told my boss that I had withdrawn from the university and would be free any time she needed, and she instantly hired me to come back to the museum to work weekends. The first thing I saw when I walked in was my sweet owl boy that I had missed more than I thought I had.

I took the rest of that semester off and focused on my own happiness. I played with the park animals, I hiked my fair share, and I thought about what I really wanted to do. One day, it hit me. Being a veterinarian didn't make me happy, this place did. Being outside, around animals and people, brought me joy. When I told my family, I think it hit them, too. They could see how happy I was, and I remember them apologizing for not asking if I was happy sooner. I knew they never meant anything by it, they just never wanted me to struggle for anything. At that point, though, we all realized that being happy was better than any amount of money.

So I went to the local community college. Thanks to Dual Enrollment during high school, I was able to start back up and not be behind despite taking a semester off. I ended up getting a General Transfer Associate's Degree, all the while maintaining my weekend job at the park. I applied to more universities, visited more, and finally decided on the one that I felt had what I needed. The summer before I headed off for a second try at a university, I was promoted to Seasonal Ranger. I helped rehabilitate an owl, two squirrels, and a ton of baby opossums (Hey, just because we're a Birds of Prey Rehab Center on paper doesn't mean that people don't bring every creature they find in). Oh, and that ranger that helped me all that time? She's now the Park Manager. What can I say, she deserved it.

Even though I was scared, I tried again with a new approach. Instead of Veterinary Science, I went in with Wildlife and Fisheries. Instead of only doing school work, I joined clubs and made friends (Most of them are nerds, but I am the Nerd Queen, after all). Instead of impressing others, I impressed myself. The result? Instead of crying every day, not a day goes by that I don't laugh a little. Not a day goes by that I don't say "Wow, I did good this time". And most importantly, not a day goes by that I am not happy, at least for a moment.

I say all of that to say this... Never pick something to impress others. Those that love you and are worth your time will stick around. Visit places any chance you get, because you never know when you could fall in love with it. Don't regret "bad decisions" that you have made, because good things can come your way even in times of darkness. And, above all, choosing a major in happiness is better than choosing one in money.

Wander on,

Ranger Babe