Cool:the best way to say something is neat-o, awesome, or swell

Who doesn't want to be cool? I have been chasing after this elusive label since the 5th grade. To my dismay, awkward bangs and floral print pants were not the definition of "cool" in 2005. But with the determination of a dog with his rawhide bone, I have continued my pursuit of "cool" over the years.

Being "cool" hints at an other-worldly quality of hipness and dankness. The title puts you on the next rung of the Millennial social hierarchy, indicating that not only are you going places, you are going places in style. Let it be noted that "cool" isn't just an achievement for tweens, teens, and 20-somethings. How many of you have commented on a friends parent and said, "Yeah, ______ has a really cool dad!" with a slight touch of envy? I myself have announced several times that one of my goals later in life is to be a "Cool Grandma", whatever that means (don't ask, I'm still trying to figure it out).

So, how do we identify "cool"?

Step 1: Do they look cool?

The answer to what looks cool relies entirely upon personal taste. Back in my middle school years (I shudder at the memory), the cool kid uniform was Hollister, American Eagle, or Abercrombie & Fitch. Unless, you were expressing yourself through punk or alternative rock fashions, those labels were the order of the day. However, the current "cool" uniform is hard to pin down in the 2016 season. There are now several different genres of cool styles. You could be sporting such various styles as Hipster Chic, Festival Boho Princess, Preppy Prepstar from the 80s, Retro Girl, Sexy Basic Girl, or the I-Don't-Care-But-I-Still-Look-Hot Girl. It's rather confusing.

I will readily admit, I haven't quite narrowed my wardrobe down to one "cool" style. I own a hodge-podge of leather accessories, fancy cocktails, high-waisted jeans, and Boho dresses- all in my attempt to pin down the essence of cool.

Step 2: Do they do cool activities?

Cool people do cool things. This is a well known fact and another marker of hipness. In the world of Hollywood, cool people spend most of their time looking hot and ruling over their high school with a manicured, iron fist. Thankfully, cool people in real life tend to stay away from the bullying stereotypes in Disney Channel movies.

A list of cool things that cool people do:

• Attend a ridiculous amount of music festivals
• Watch HBO and Netflix Originals (shout out to "Game of Thrones" and "Orange is the New Black")
• Take pictures of your food for Instagram
• Go “exploring”
• Shop at thrift stores or antique shops
• Become an Instagram model
• Get your favorite fast food restaurant to reply to you on Twitter

Step 3: Are they cool?

Some people are just cool. They wake up in the morning and decide to do whatever random thing their heart desires and miraculously it translates into “cool." Some of the coolest people I know are also the weirdest of my relations. These oddly hip people use emojis and Bitmojis instead of words, face swap with their boob for #freethenipple, and spend money on building their antique pin and button collection.

This type of effortless cool is the hardest to attain. These acceptably weird folk are so original and unencumbered by the social pressures of hipness that they have transcended “cool” and become unique, which is the pinnacle title for every hipster and Millennial in the game. To become the ultimate and most authentic version of yourself easily makes you the coolest kid on the block.

So do you still want to be cool?

Do I still want to be cool?

To be frank, chasing after “cool” seems to be a waste of time and resources. Reading over the steps I’ve noticed that being "cool" entails a lot of effort, demanding attention to style trends, who’s who on the music scene, and supplying a steady stream of artistic imagery for your social media “followers.” Why spend all your time pursuing an ambiguous social construct when you can spend the effort on your friendships, or your new favorite hobby?

Yes, I spent a lot of my middle school and high school years trying to figure out how to be cool. I still think about it and wonder if I am on the “cool” track. But at the end of the day, it’s easier to not care and more fun to be me. So screw being cool; I'll go back to being moi.