As I sit in Starbucks with my headphones in but no music playing, I am aware of my surroundings. The smell of coffee masking the air and fellow college-aged students working diligently, on things that demand full attention, around me.

Two college aged girls sit across from me in the classic, large, brown, and comfortable arm chairs.They continuously talk about their friend, Rebecca, and say all of the negative things they could possibly say. They are going on about: how annoying she is, how, a lot of the times, she is just devastatingly sad, and that she rarely wants to even go out anymore. Over and over they say how much she is changed. Midway through the conversation, the one speaks: "she was raped last year but needs to just get over it." The other girl agrees and says "yeah like that was a year ago, I agree," as if it were that easy. These dreaded words that rip my heart right from my chest.

As if rape and sexual violence do not get enough negative attention already, the last thing this world needs is people, friends, and family members talking about a victim and a survivor in such a negative manner.

What I saw today is a perfect depiction of how the majority of the world sees rape culture: an act that is not serious nor should be taken seriously, something that should just be moved on from once the incident ends. This is an eye opening example of the problem regarding rape. To the common person, who has not been face to face with this malicious crime, it is foreign. Just a word with and action attached, sometimes the center of a joke, but nothing else. To a survivor or a person with close contact with a survivor, it is evident that it is not just a word. For them it is their life. It is the event that ripped who they were from their body. Unfortunately, it is not just a word and it is certainly not a joke.

There is very little sympathy for those who have lived through, what will most likely be, darkest time of their lives. Most things will feel 2-dimensional for them. Unable to fully understand how lonely it is at the end of the day or when your friends rather go out and drink when you rather just embrace a night of safety from your couch. They cannot understand why you are exhausted every morning because you were up the entire night being haunted by nightmares or flashbacks. They cannot understand how you can become so standoffish and untrusting. And that's the problem, rape and sexual assault is always extremely ridiculed, yet those that deride it, have not experienced nor fully understand the problem.

With all of that being said, I am not asking you to completely understand what it is like to have experienced a situation like this. I am asking you to simply respect the person and the event. The amount of courage it took to tell you is TREMENDOUS. Respect that he or she is going through a hard time and will be changed by this event. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, victims of sexual assault or rape are three times more likely to experience depression, six times more likely to experience PTSD and four times more likely to contemplate suicide. These statistics are by no means okay. These victims are struggling, they are fighting things that some people will likely never experience and they need you. They need your support not your negativity. Please respect them, be there and unless you have been in a situation like this or they want advice, don't offer it. PLEASE do not tell them that they are crazy, over reacting, or should just get over it. Things like this just don't go away easily.

As someone who has been a victim of such a disgusting crime, I am appalled and ashamed by the way these two girls were talking about such an awful thing, however, I cannot say that I am shocked. In this day and age, rape is an invisible problem. Something that seems to rarely happens. However since arriving at Pitt, I found that 10.1% of female undergraduates experienced non-consensual penetration involving force or incapacitation, 15.6% of female undergraduates experienced non-consensual sexual touching, and 6.2% of undergraduate men were victims of either non-consensual penetration or sexual touching. Those statistics in no way say that it is not a problem.

It is the most under reported crime and that's the issue and what is frightening. For something that rarely seems to happen, the statistics seem so incredible high. The low report rate can result from reasons such as invalidation from the criminal justice system and the negative connotation that it receives from the media . Why would any one want to report or come out with something that makes victims seem like they are crazy, liars, or wanting attention?

I know this won't change minds and viewpoints regarding rape but it is so incredibly important to support those that are survivors. Most times they are struggling and if they reach out to you, they trust you. Please don't let them down.

If you have been in a situation that involved sexual violence, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Some things are too big for us to deal with alone and there is no shame for doing so. There always will be people that support you.

If you or someone you know are struggling with sexual violence, please do not hesitate to reach out to these national resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-(800)-799-7233

Resolve Crisis Network: (888) 796-8226

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255