I’ve always thought that I was an expert on decision making, recent explorations have taught me that may not be quite the case. “I think most of us are raised with preconceived notions of the choices we're supposed to make. We waste so much time making decisions based on someone else's idea of our happiness - what will make you a good citizen or a good wife or daughter or actress. Nobody says, “Just be happy - go be a cobbler or go live with goats.” (Sandra Bullock) Being exposed to this statement greatly supports a recent finding within myself, a finding that decisions do not have to be set in stone for a fear of being perceived as indecisive and unable to commit. Sometimes we need a reminder that everything that requires a decisive moment is not reason to surrender our heads to the guillotine of the encroaching future.
Perhaps it is not the pressure from others trying to sway your choice to agree with the outcome they approve of but rather a self doubt. Such self doubt may reside in the placing of too much emphasis on the decision itself. Examine the parameters; are they as detrimental as the difference between life and death? It's unlikely.
“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.” (Deepak Chopra) In other words, let yourself off the hook. Take a step back and tune out all background noise. You’ve probably asked multiple people for advice in order to settle on a comfortable and otherwise life affirming verdict. Here's the issue I find with this action: you're reaching out and including others will bring up differences of opinion which will inevitably cause you to question your original position on the topic in question, leading you farther away from settling on a decision.
I was recently in a place of crisis, having promised myself I would be involved in college; the thought of dropping one of my bigger activities really put me in a state of inner turmoil. Everyone was telling me to just quit, just walk away because the list of things I found fault with was pages upon pages longer than the things I found enjoyment in. Even then, I could not force myself to give it up. I told myself to stay and for a little while I was happy with that choice but eventually the overwhelming unhappiness crept back in and found itself at home. I tried tirelessly to ignore it…and for what? When before, have I ever allowed something residence in my life when I was the complete opposite of what it is intended to do, reward and fulfill. Fulfillment is detrimentally important and the true test is if you can balance the have-to’s with the want to’s.
I was able to conquer my conflict at this point but life is never the less, preparing to place new barriers and stomach-churning decisions in my path. I cannot prepare for specific future happens but what I can do is take this lesson with me, in my back pocket, for the next challenge as a reminder to allow myself to stop feeling guilty for doing what is ultimately best for me…and no one else. Put yourself first, do not hesitate to trust your instincts to let yourself off the hook if something brings you more pain than gain. Do not stay out of “obligation to your responsibilities”. After all darlings, your first and most important responsibility is to yourself. Best of luck.
