It's that time of the year once again. It's Halloween; the season of costumes, candy, jack-o-lanterns, and fake spider-webs on front yard bushes. While everyone is preparing for what is allegedly the most haunted night of the year, I am haunted once more by the inevitable approach of National Novel Writing Month.

I don't know why this happens. There's never a November where I have enough time, ideas, or motivation to last more than a week in this endeavor. I've never finished a first draft of any story I've written, with or without the aid of NaNoWriMo, so I don't understand why I find myself drawn to attempt it over and over again.

Writing a first draft of anything is not easy. Writing a first draft in a month is incredibly difficult. This is especially true if you're as busy as I am (everybody knows college students have no free time). Even if you can make time, most people generally lose their motivation early on. Some stick around to the halfway mark or so, then realize they hate what they're working on and ditch it. This, unfortunately, has been my approach every year that I've participated in NaNoWriMo. The word count gets overwhelming, and nothing I write seems worth the effort. Being the perfectionist that I am, this is usually enough to make me lose all hope in my writing abilities and stop trying.

That being said, the rewards of NaNoWriMo still tempt me. If I were able to complete it just once, I would have a first draft to edit at my leisure. Since editing is the easiest part of the writing process for me, having a finished draft would be a huge first step to finishing a book and being able to start releasing the manuscript to publishers. That's something I've been wanting to do for almost as long as I can remember, but have never been able to manage. Even if I hated the draft and never wanted to continue working on it, I would have learned something in the process. They say the best way to write better is to write more, and 50,000 words in a month is a lot of writing. It would also just feel really good to sit back and relax on December 1st, knowing I'd finally won after years of trying. I'd love to be a part of the winners circle.

If I'm honest with myself, there's probably no chance this November will be any different for me than the previous ones. I know myself well enough by now to understand this. Even so, I can't shake my traitorous creative urges. I find myself walking home from school and imagining new scenes, new characters, and new conflicts, when I should really be thinking about term papers. While immersing myself in required readings, I'll accidentally drift off to other worlds and lands that have yet to be created. Frustrating as it may be at times, I am a writer, and my creativity is a part of who I am. I may never win NaNoWriMo, but the part of me that's drawn to it is never going to change. I might as well go along for the ride. It can never hurt to try again, after all.