We’ve all been there. That cute boy from down the hall has been snapchatting you for the past couple of weeks with flirty connotations but nothing has come of it. You’re left feeling confused yet excited and can’t wait to tell your friends about all the things he says. Yet, when people ask you about your relationship you don’t know how to respond. You’re scared to catch feels and don’t want to be embarrassed if he’s not that interested, so you brush it off and call it a “thing.”

So, I guess the first problem I have with “things” is the actual word itself. Are you actually going to tell me that you are defining a relationship you are having with another person as a “thing?” What does that even mean? The problem is, we all know what it means. Going to college in the prime time of hookup culture, we all know the difference stages of being involved with someone: talking, hooking up, having a “thing”, and then dating (if you can keep a boy interested for that long). “Things” are just a cover up for casual relationships or friends with benefits, and don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that, but don’t label it as something it’s not. Where is the line between talking and dating? How do you know when you can finally tell someone how you are feeling without them rejecting you and moving on to Becky from Kappa Kappa Gamma? The worst part is if someone hooks up with another person while in a “thing,” it’s okay because, hey, it’s not a relationship, there’s no feelings yet! We live in a world of social media relationships, where all communication and talking is done through texting and Snapchat, rather than an actual date where you can talk face to face.

Being involved in a “thing” can take its toll on a person. It leaves you in a constant state of confusion and doubt about everything. “Does he really want to be with me?” “Does he even like me?” “Should I tell him how I feel?” “Are we even talking?” “How many other girls is he talking to like this?” “Which one will he call on Saturday night when he’s drunk and alone?” Let’s get this out in the open people, being in a “thing” is not, I repeat NOT, fair to anyone involved in the situation. Nobody knows what’s happening, there’s no purpose to it, and frankly someone’s going to end up hurt at the end of the day. Are you really that scared of commitment that you can’t just take the next step and date someone? It’s not like you’re keeping it your little secret because everyone knows about it, so it’s time you guys finally talk about it yourselves. You can’t take him home for Thanksgiving but he can Netflix and Chill at 3 AM on Tuesday, where are your priorities ladies? Because let’s be real, instead of buying you a birthday present he’s texting you in the middle night “wyd?”

Do not let a boy consume you. If he is not answering your text or Snapchat, go to sleep and focus on you. Don’t worry about who else he might be texting because if it’s really meant to be he’ll be the only one texting you and Snap-chatting you. He’ll come home for Thanksgiving, and ask about your day. He’ll reassure you that everything is going to be OK and how much he loves you. People are always saying you need to love yourself before you can let someone else love you, but it’s just as important to respect yourself enough to not accept anything less than what you deserve.

Special thanks to Mary Kate Foley, Olivia Crowley, and Hannah Doherty for gracing me with their wonderful advice and wisdom.