As the 2016 Presidential election grows closer I thought it would be fun to reimagine the Presidential Candidates as our wacky family members. Most of us are unsure of who to vote for, so maybe this will help you make your decision.
Let's start with the GOP candidates:
Donald Trump
Imagine Trump as your crazy racist uncle. Trump is the family embarrassment. No one really likes to talk about him but since he's family he still shows up to all the family events much to everyone's dismay. He's extremely loud and complains about Mexicans taking American jobs even though he hasn't had a stable job in decades and hasn't put any effort into finding one.
During the family reunion, he joined the kids' potato sack race and beat all the kids. Everyone told him he should have let three-year-old Sally win, but he doesn't like to lose. He's also always flaunting money around. Your parents suspect it's from drug dealing. He's quite popular with your elders and you're not quite sure why.
Ted Cruz
Ted just married your very religious aunt. They met at a Bible study and are inseparable. He's always preaching about God and how you'll probably be damned to hell if you don't stop drinking soda. No one really likes him or invites him anywhere, but somehow he just seems to show up.
He and Uncle Trump are always fighting with Ted claiming Trump doesn't know anything about the Bible. Trump doesn't really care what he says and throws dollar bills in his face and tells him to go back to his home country. Ted is upset but picks up the money and mopes for the rest of the night.
Marco Rubio
There's a rumor going around that cousin Marco might actually be a robot. His responses are stale and always seem rehearsed. There's also another rumor going on that Trump started the rumor. Trump believes that Mexico created this Marco robot with the intent of destroying America.
Since Ted has no friends, he always tries to speak Spanish with Marco, but it doesn't end well because Ted can't speak Spanish. Marco is always trying to force himself on the family, and they just kind of have to deal with it. They don't want to go through the process of explaining to him that he is actually a fourth cousin twice removed.
John Kasich
John and your grandma just got divorced, but somehow he keeps showing up at all the events. Your mom told you to be nice to him only because it's been a rough year for John. He's always wearing itchy sweaters and telling you to make sure you uphold the values of the family and how Trump will lead to its destruction.
Trump doesn't really see him as a threat and ignores him whenever he walks into a room. John tries to pretend like it doesn't bother him, but it does.
Ben Carson
Ben used to be the family favorite until Trump came along and pointed out that he's black. Since then Uncle Ben is always sleeping and muttering things that don't make sense. Your parents don't really pay attention to him; well actually, no one pays attention to him. The entire family has learned to tune him out and is still surprised that he's still hanging around. At the last family reunion, Trump stepped on him on his way to the potato salad, but one noticed, not even Ben.
Now onto the Democratic candidates:
Hillary Clinton
Aunt Hillary just recently divorced her rich husband and inherited all his money. You don't really like her that much, but she's always trying to get people to like her so she bribes you with gifts. Last year she thought motorcycles were dangerous, but last week she just promised to buy you a Harley if you can get your younger cousins to love her again.
She was accused of being an old hag by her husband, so she's constantly hanging around the young kids trying to be hip. The other day she gave you $100 to teach her how to whip and nae nae. The women in the family support her and will accuse you of being sexist if you don't let her hang out with you and your friends.
Bernie Sanders
Bernie is your favorite grandpa. Everyone thinks he's a little weird with his constant obsession with taking down the establishment. Everyone's a little uncomfortable when he demands that billionaires stop controlling our economy.
Your parents want you to stay a safe distance from him, but all the kids love him. Hillary can't seem to understand why they prefer an old grumpy man to her young, vibrant personality. His ideas always seem a little out of reach, but you can always count on him to have candy and baked goods.