The word selfish can be defined as lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Selfish tends to have a negative connotation and can be looked at as a not so desirable trait to have. But have you ever stopped to think that being selfish, or as it was recently restated to me as being “self-full,” could be a positive and amicable trait to possess? Being conscious of one’s own personal wants, needs and desires is nothing to look at negatively. In fact, being self-full can help bring positivity to not only your own life, but also to those around you. Let’s look at how beneficial it is to be self-full.
Family
I’m sure many people try and live by the thought that family is first in everything you do. Some people are very family oriented and make decisions based around what will be best for their family, not themselves as an individual. In fact, I know many individuals who find it hard to think about moving out of the same town, let alone the the same state as their family in fear of losing them and having them be missed. This can cause you to miss out on so many opportunities. You might not have been able to experience full independence in college because you didn’t want to go to school out of state or become a resident. You might have missed out on an amazing semester studying abroad in the city of your dreams because you didn’t want your mother to kiss you too much. You may have passed on a job offer that forced you to live across the country and had incredible potential for growth, but you could not bring yourself to leave your parents back home alone.
Yes, many people find comfort in their family. Their parents are their rock and what keeps them sane, but if you never push out of your comfort zone you'll miss out on opportunities that lie ahead for YOU. You can never discover what you truly want, need and are capable of on your own if you are constantly worrying about how your family will think or feel about your decisions. Yes, your parents may be sad at first that you’re 2,000 miles away from them, but at the end of the day, if you’re happy with your decisions and life, your parents will be just as happy for you.
Friends
Many people have the idea that in order to be a good friend you have to constantly sacrifice and lay everything on the line for your friends. Although this can be considered an amicable trait, it is also damaging to a friendship. The perfect example is college. It may not always be in the best interest of a friendship to follow your best friend off to the same school and even become roommates because everyone knows YOU DON’T ROOM WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. Deciding a school based off of where your friend is going can make you put on blinders and miss out on so many amazing schools you never considered just because Becky isn’t majoring in English so why would you two look at a school specializing in science and engineering? And then you never discover your passion for bioengineering.
Sometimes you need to push your friends to the side for a bit and reflect on who you are as your own person, not who you are with your friends. You need to make decisions that will bring you joy and positivity. Becky can study English in New York while you study bioengineering in Boston and you can still remain best friends. There won’t be any bitterness because you held each other back from doing amazing things. If you’re truly best friends, you would always want to see each other happy, healthy and thriving.
Love
Oh relationships. People always say they’re all about sacrifice. In order for them to work each person has to compromise, right? Not so much. Yes, people should keep their significant other’s feelings in mind, but at what point does the sacrifice and compromise start to damage the relationship? There are too many people out there keeping score on who compromises more than the other and who gives up what in order to make the other happy. Sometimes, couples need to step back from the relationship and think about themselves as an individual first. What makes them happy? What activities did they love before they entered the relationship? How much has their happiness and positivity changed? If it’s a constant back and forth of who did what, this can cause a negative cloud to form over a relationship.
If neither person takes the time to make themselves happy or do things just for their self, the relationship can become toxic. Spitefulness can form and damage what has been built between two people. Sacrifice is necessary from both parties, but self-fullness is also needed to bring positivity and to keep a healthy relationship going.
Being self-full is all about bringing happiness and positivity to yourself. If you take the time to make sure you're happy, not just the people around you, you can help spread the positivity you grow within yourself out to others. It will reflect every day when you wake up. You can take on every day because you’re living where YOU want, going to the job YOU want, doing what YOU love every single day. Once you wipe out the root of negativity and replace it with happiness, it will flourish out and nothing can stop you from building happy healthy relationships with others who you can help become more self-full.
