I never thought I’d see the day when I was getting told that my mom is going to have a personal care attendant come into our home. I thought the day that my mom got told she has Multiple Sclerosis (MS) was one of the worst days of my life, It was shortly after my grandfather(her father) had passed when we found out about her MS. I was about in eighth grade when I found this out and I remember walking around town with my friends scared to death. I had no clue what was going going to happen; I was thinking the absolute worst. I can remember walking with my friends and just saying “Guys, I don’t know what to do, what if something happens to my mom, I’m too young to lose my mom.” They came back with “Nicole, nothing will happen to your mom, just think positive.”

After a while I just started thinking that God was putting all these bad things in my life. First my moms boyfriend ( almost fiance) had passed away when I was in seventh grade. Next my grandfather passed away when I was in eighth grade. Then we found about the MS. I soon just stopped believing in God and then stopped going to church or if i went to church with my grandma I wasn’t fully there, I was in my own world. I started going to the doctor's office with my mom and they seemed to be helping both my mom and myself cope with the MS. They started talking to my mom about what would could happen, but that it wouldn't be for a while and they started to talk to me about to stop worrying that they were going to do everything in there power to help my mom with the MS and that she wasn't going anywhere.

I went to college in 2013 and everything seemed to be going okay again, it wasn't until about march or april 2016 that I started going to church with a couple of friends and fully engaging myself in church.

It wasn't until recently that my mom had texted me telling me about the personal care attendant, we had been in a fight when she had texted me and told me, it instantly made my heart stop and skip a beat, I told her to call me so she did, and when I answered she was in tears. She told me that she had gone to the doctor and they said since her MS was acting up that she had two choices. Either she could get put in an assistant care home or have the personal care attendant come into her home. She told me she thought about the home but she couldn't have her pets so she went with a personal care attendant. The whole time she was telling me this the only thing going through my head is that I didn’t want someone else taking care of my mom, I wanted to be the one who took care of her.

I started to think that maybe God is trying to tell me something again; maybe he does this just to prove to me that even though I’ve been through a rough time that God is here and that he going to going to do everything in his power to make me believe that he is here. Mom I know we fight a lot, but know matter what happens in our lives know that I will always be here for you and know that even if you think God isn’t here for us, he hold us close to his heart and that he loves us both mom, he only does this bad stuff to us because he knows we will overcome it. I love you mom.