I know you’ve probably heard this a million times: Forgiveness helps you, not just the person you’re forgiving. But do you really believe it? Isn’t it easier to stay angry at that former friend that wronged you, that ex boyfriend or girlfriend that cheated, a family member that you had a falling out with in your childhood? The answer is yes, it is easier - but that doesn’t make it right.

When we refuse to forgive we are also refusing to let go of the animosity and rancor that subtly burns below our surface and eventually ferments into negative energy that can affect every aspect of your life. Being angry at people who are genuinely sorry for their mistakes is counterproductive and hypocritical, because ultimately, who hasn’t made a mistake? Who hasn’t intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone else?

By judging others, you are missing out on the good relationship you could be having with that person, and you are also throwing away the potential for growing stronger from the indiscretion and becoming closer. If the person you can’t forgive isn’t sorry for what they did, then why hold to that negativity if it’s only affecting you? They don’t care either way. Stewing with resentment will just worsen your quality of life, and studies have proven that a negative disposition along with stress caused by hatred will actually shorten your lifespan. Happier people live longer. And the key to happiness? Being at peace with everything and everyone in your life.

Some people do need to be cut off, and some need a second chance. But by genuinely forgiving them all, you are allowing yourself the satisfaction of peace of mind, of knowing you did all you possibly could to remedy the situation. Consider the other person’s point of view and their motivations. By understanding why they might have done what they did, it can make it easier to relate to them. Everyone has something they are struggling with, and those issues could be way bigger than you ever imagined. It is important to think outside of yourself and realize that no one is perfect, and no one thinks and feels exactly the way you do.

Therefore, you cannot expect everyone to treat you the way you would treat them, to have the same standards of morality, or to even like you at all. Think about whether the issue you are upset about will matter in ten years; if not, it’s time to let it go. Life is way too short to hold grudges. We have no idea when the last time we see someone will be. Wouldn’t you rather be on good terms with as many as possible? If you’re not, it could lead to regrets in the future, and no one wants to live with regret.

It's time to contact that person you’ve been avoiding, the one that comes to mind as you read this, and set yourself free with three simple words: I forgive you.