Three simple words that are often overused or underused: I am sorry. People tend to use I'm sorry as an easy way out, they say it without any real meaning. It's become more of a standard statement than anything with real quality. It's used as much as a simple "hi" or "how are you?" Why is that? When something is said too much it tends to lose value. When "I'm sorry" is overused it doesn't hold value anymore, and people don't really listen to the meaning. But at the same time, people can underuse I'm sorry and never see fault in their own actions. When people don't see where they are going wrong it leads to a relationship that can't compromise and cooperate. Too much pride can result in a bad or empty apology, in order for an apology to mean something there is humility, kindness, and truth behind it. That's why a real apology has so much value; it carries the weight of the act committed. An apology can't reverse the action made, but it can often soften the impact and help form a healthier relationship for the future. Forming a good and powerful apology can be tricky. It takes a lot out of most people to admit they messed up and ask for forgiveness. There are four simple steps that can lead to a successful apology:
1. Let the other person talk
It's really important to let the other person know that you care what they have to say. If you're making an effort to apologize than it is clear the relationship holds value. Make the person feel valued, and genuinely listen and care about what they have to say.
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2. Admit the fault
Be honest; come out and say what you did wrong. Don't try and sugar coat what happened or make excuses for yourself. Admit you messed up, swallow your pride and work to make it better in the future. Make it clear that you know what caused the problem and you were a part of that.
3. Explain why you were in the wrong
Maybe your feelings were hurt or you were angry at someone; express that. People aren't mind readers, so you can't expect someone to know why you behaved the way you did. Telling why you acted a certain way lets the recipient of the apology have a little more insight into your behavior. It also shows them that you realize where you went wrong.
4. "I'm sorry"
Now is the time for the meaningful "I'm sorry". You've listened to them, you've said what you did wrong, and you've explained why you messed up. It is clear at this point that you have intentions to resolve the issue and continue to work on making the relationship valuable.
A genuine apology isn't something that happens every day, and that's what makes it so powerful.
