We’ve grown up in a culture that says porn is normal. Television shows jokes about how everyone does it and movies pass off the viewing of porn as a standard part of someone’s day. We’ve grown up in a church where pornography was the “popular sin”. It was assumed that all guys would struggle with it, no women ever would and eventually if we just didn’t talk about it, it will go away. The problem with porn is that it does not go away. It escalates, and until we can admit that we have a problem, it will continue to eat away at our time and our relationships.

Because porn has been so ingrained into our culture, it’s often hard for many people to see pornography usage as a problem.

According to a 2014 study by the Barna Group, 79% of men between the ages of 18 and 30 said they view pornography at least once a month, 63% admitted to watching porn several times a week. 76% of women in the same age group admit to viewing porn at least once a month while 21% watch several times a week. 55% of married men say they watch porn at least once a month, compared to 25% of married women.

In 2008, a survey of college student found that over 93% of boys and 62% of girls were exposed to pornography before they were 18.

So why does any of this matter? The problem with porn is that it is not possible to just watch it and walk away. It stays with you. It changes the way your brain works, it creates new pathways in your mind that become a well-trod road over time and leads to warped perspectives on life and other people.

Porn viewing also escalates. What once felt so exciting and erotic soon becomes old and boring and the viewer has to find new material that will continue to arouse them. This can lead to watching scenes where physical and sexual abuse take place leading some to act out these situations in real life.

The pornography industry is also supported heavily by sex trafficking. Girls are drugged, threatened and sexually assaulted on camera and the footage is then sold to porn websites and other distributors. Because this industry is so underground, there are not many statistics available but many former porn-stars are speaking out about the kind of abuse they faced while working in the industry.

I am someone who has struggled with a pornography addiction. For years I watched porn and read excerpts from romance novels, (yes porn can be written), and fan-fiction imaginings. I thought that in order to be a good girlfriend or a good wife one day, I needed to know how to do all the things I saw depicted in those scenes. I thought that maybe if I watched porn with my boyfriend that he would love me more and stop pointing out all the things that were wrong with me. I wanted to be the cool partner, but I just ended up being the damaged girlfriend.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a pornography addiction, there are resources available to you. Covenant Eyes provides internet accountability that you can install on your phone or home computer. Reports of the sites you visit each month will be sent to an accountability partner and you can begin the process of getting free with the help and support of your community.

Fight the New Drug is also an excellent resource for those that struggle with a pornography addiction. They offer a several month online recovery workshop that teaches you about the dangers of porn, and then helps you understand how to end your addiction. This site also has resources to help you spread the word on the dangers of porn and guides on how to address pornography with young children.

I have struggled with porn, but I have also experienced freedom from my addiction. I no longer rely on pornography to teach me anything. I surround myself with people and things that are life giving. It’s true what they say, Porn Kills Love. And love is far too precious to be taken from you by something that will never love you back.