I can remember being a little girl and sitting in my room crying because I believed I didn’t deserve to be loved. In fact, this happened several times, and looking back on it now, my heart breaks for that little girl. At that time she didn’t understand why she was being treated this way. She couldn’t fathom that she was worth more than she was being made to feel. For all of the times you broke my heart, pushed me away, and made me feel small: this is my message to you, the person who made me believe that I was no more than a tiny grain of sand.

First of all, I want you to know that you hurt me terribly, in a way that will never be fully mended. There is a part of my soul that will always be rubbed raw from the repeated times that you let me down. So many times, all I needed was for you to be there, to know that you cared, and you couldn’t even give me that. Despite this, I never stopped loving you and holding out hope that you would change, and suddenly start showing me the love that I so wholeheartedly desired.

Countless times you shrank me, whether to make yourself feel bigger or to intentionally wreck my sense of significance. Time after time, I had to shrivel up to bear the weight of your negativity and ruthless disapproval. Day after day, minute after minute, I had to push through the pain you caused me and remind myself that I meant something, despite your insistent persuasion trying to convince me that I was not.

Although I cannot count the amount of times that you broke me emotionally, it taught me some of the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned. I developed a unique kind of self-love that had to originate from myself because I learned from an early age that people are not always going to show you the love that you need. I learned that ultimately, I had to lift myself up and constantly choose to be optimistic and joyful, because at the end of the night, I am the one who has to pick myself up off the floor. I am the one who has to dry my tears and decide to smile again. Above all, through being made to feel small, I learned that I have to constantly remind myself that I matter, and that I am not in fact small. I know now that I am worthy and significant, despite how you made me feel.

The last thing that I want to say to you is thank you. Thank you for breaking me, because through that brokenness, I learned how to become whole again. Thank you for letting me down, because you made me long for the kind of people that will be consistently present in my life. Thank you for tearing me down, because you made me learn how to build myself up. Most of all, thank you for making me feel small, because it made me discover how significant and valuable I really am.