I know you feel like the world around you sees you in the same light that you see yourself. You truly feel like you're detached from everyday things because of all that clouds your mind. Trying to explain it to your friends doesn't seem worth it because you don't want to burden them with the mess you feel like you have made… but that's just it. You didn't make this mess, and you have every right to find help in figuring it out.
The stigma that surrounds all that clouds your mind is nonsense. I know you would never wish these feelings on your worst enemy, nor would you wish them on a stranger you cross in passing. All the journaling and advice you have received from those around you just doesn't seem to "fix" the problem, so its time to think bigger.
It's not fun to ask for help. It makes us feel weak and troubled but conquering one small fear could cure the thing that haunts you every single day. Try to alter your perspective; how lucky am I that I can research and find professionals who can talk me through my everyday thoughts? How lucky am I that me taking a step forward to help myself is accomplishing a small goal? And how lucky am I that there is hope out there for me?
Pick up the phone, take a deep breath, and conquer it. When you are guided by those who specialize in that thing that clouds your mind, you have the potential to take strides. There is hope out there and at the end of the day, you will be so proud of yourself for doing every little thing you can to help yourself.
Your time on earth is so valuable. As human beings, we deserve nothing less than to be the best versions of ourselves every day so that we can experience all that this beautiful life has to offer. So, do it. I believe in you, and there is a world out there waiting for you.
