Alright I'm giving this another go, because it's getting ridiculous.

Hillary Clinton, mostly through lying, has garnered a status as an untrustworthy individual.

Bernie Sanders awoke the social conscience of the democratic electorate, and now half of them refuse to settle for a warmongering hack like Clinton. The intense passion That Bernie inspired in so many people feels so out of place on someone as aggressively mediocre as Hillary Clinton that many supporters have turned to eccentric, delusional nobodies like Jill Stein and Gary Johnson just to chase that Bernie high. These people haven’t done anything to make them worthy of presidency other than have some superficially good policies. I have some superficially good policies, as does the owner of the local deli. Voting for these people is not only a waste of time, but it is unethical. When one has the power to vote against Donald Trump, one aught to use that power whenever possible.

But Bernie-inspired millenials just can’t bring themselves to vote for Hillary. Seeing Bernie lose and then having to vote for Hillary over Trump is like getting excited for Six Flags and then being told you can’t go to Six Flags but you can still go to the dentist, and if you don’t go to the dentist you’re going to maximum security prison.

It was fun to riff on Hillary Clinton, mostly because she isn’t that bad, she’s just kind of bad, so there’s a lot of creativity and exaggeration involved in explaining why I hate her so much. With Trump, all the exaggeration is already there before I have a chance to make anything up. He is way worse in real life than any ridiculous thing I can make up about him.

The selections for Republican candidates were laughable. George Bush's dumbass first son was bad enough. His feeble, effete second son was unimaginable. Everything normal appeared weak and boring, and insanity took center stage. Radical Christian fundamentalist and obvious sociopath Ted Cruz was a distant second to Donald Trump of reality television fame. Donald trump who was worried about Obama being a Muslim from Kenya or Pakistan or wherever.

A bajillion articles playing the part of celebrity tabloids shouting about the new OUTRAGEOUS thing he's done for every one of those cloying, annoying articles about "hey, guys, we really shouldn't be doing this kind of journalism…"

Scarily scant articles are actually doing the right kind of journalism.

Trump's faults are so equally obvious to his detractors and invisible to his supporters that detractors come off as idiots. Any video of Trump protestors just has them saying "fuck trump" and "trump's a racist!" And if you ask them why he's a racist they answer "fuck trump!" And if you ask them why "Fuck trump" they says "because he's a racist!"

It insults their intelligence to ask them why trump is dumb, and it makes them look dumb to anyone who doesn't understand why trump is dumb. This is the essential disconnect that allows trump supporters to carry on feeling righteous.

On top of this, Hillary Clinton's campaign, which has no real grounds to be righteous on, gets righteous about every petty thing that could be spun as a trump misstep. Skittles? Come on. He wasn't calling anybody a skittle, he was using a simple analogy to explain a complex issue to morons. That's mostly all he does, except usually he dumbs things down beyond comprehension and says things that are actually degrading in a generally wrongheaded fashion. This skittles example is actually the most harmless and reasonable Trump analogy I can think of.

Liberals jumping on the skittles thing just proves them to be the constantly-offended dweebs who can't see the big picture that conservatives constantly complain liberals are.

He is a simpleton and a fascist, but the nuances that prove so are difficult to verbalize effectively without just putting block quotes of his rambling speeches.

All established pundits remain firmly one step behind trump, still in disbelief and wowing at his unsinkability. They won't catch up to him before the election. They won't be able to explain why he won and what they could've have done to ensure that he didn't until after he has already won.

America was never great. At best it was endearingly monstrous and somewhat ideologically goodhearted. I mean, what is he even talking about? Is he talking about when we lynched black people and lobotomized bored housewives and women had coat hanger abortions? Is he talking about when we could ruin anyone's life by reporting them as a communist with no evidence? Is he talking about slavery? Genocide of Native Americans? When was America great?

His debate performance was a dizzying display of misunderstood statistics, petty squabbles and outright lies, the epitome of human hubris. He is a man of the people in that he says things he does not understand over and over again to support his innate prejudices in political arguments he has no business being in. Clinton fans rest assured in the idea that Clinton won, because she was boring, normal, and not absolutely terrifyingly insane, but Trump never betrayed himself. He remained the babbling narcissist his supporters know and love. I don’t see how the debate could have changed anyone’s minds. Hillary lies the same way Trump does, a self-assured, self-righteous revisionist who says “what I said was” instead of “what I meant was,” but she just had way less ridiculous things to lie about.

You can’t be a pimp and a prostitute too.

The few times Donald Trump has managed to articulate any sort of policy, they’ve been unbelievably terrible. He’s the first president to advocate for the tariffs he’s talking about since Herbert Hoover. I don’t know if you remember that chapter in your history textbook, but it was titled “The Great Depression.” Beyond that, Donald Trump is hellbent on restoring and even enhancing every anti-regulatory policy that led to the economic crash in 2007 that we are still reeling from. He might know what is good for one business to succeed while fucking over everyone and everything else, but he clearly has no idea how to ensure all businesses in the United States of America have any chance at succeeding. America is not a corporation, it’s a whole fucking country.

Say what you will about trump being sexist and racist and having terrible, backwards, inarticulate policies. The thing that really gets me is that he can’t speak. His sentences are terrible and don’t actually say anything. He just says something vague, with no basis in fact, three times with incredible conviction and lack of details. ‘It’s a disaster. A disaster. It’s very bad. I’m going to make it better.’

It’s a soothing, mind-numbing approach to political speech, where he does so little thinking and demands so little thinking that you can almost just sit back and go, yeah, he should make it better. The scary thing is that this works on apparently a lot of people. His rhetoric, above all, is flagrant nonsense. Sure it is scary, it is homophobic, islamophobic sexist, racist, supportive of war crimes and treason and assassination and violence towards dissidents, but this is if you latch on to any of the random phrases that come tumbling out of his mouth and assign it any sort of meaning at all, which I think is going too far. He has never actually said anything.

You can’t just write off all his incredible business failures as loophole tricks that only an incredibly savvy businessman like Trump would understand. He just isn’t that good. If he just let his money sit in an index fund like any eleventh grader who took economics would know to do, he would have three times as much money. Paris Hilton made more money out of less money than he did. He’s a staggering idiot and a bully. He sold steaks at Sharper Image and refuses to pay people who can’t afford to sue him. He is not a good businessman. He did two-thirds worse than the economy in general did.

But he has tapped into something, and people are willing to forgive him for anything as long as they don’t have to put any critical thought into unsubstantiated rumors about Hillary Clinton’s hit squad taking out anyone who gets in her way. Nobody really understands what exactly Hillary did with her emails, but she rubs people the wrong way so everyone has decided she should be shot for what she did, even though a full FBI investigation has deemed her actions non-criminal. But of course, that’s probably just because Hillary threatened to have the FBI shot or whatever.

I just, oh my god, holy shit, do not vote for Donald Trump. Do not vote for Donald Trump. Do not vote for Donald Trump. Please. Do not let biased misinformation prevail, do no elect a demagogue out of your misplaced hatred of immigrants and underprivileged minorities and women. Please, please do not actually literally in real life vote for Donald fucking Trump.