Let's talk breakups. I don't mean the drama and bashing that inevitably occurs during the act of breaking up. I'm referring to the part of the break up we tend to neglect prior to reaching it. The post-break-up.
There are so many ways a post-break-up can go. Chances are, in the end, it will take a multitude of directions. A single conversation is all it takes to break up with someone. But once that conversation happens, you now have to interact with this same person you previously knew as your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” as your “ex.” To you, their identity has changed.
The difference isn’t just in how you refer to them. It’s how you talk to them, talk about them and act around them. The rules of the game haven’t just changed; you’ve entered a new game entirely. With that being said, there are fine lines you cannot cross in this new game. They aren’t always obvious, and they are never easy.
Ending a relationship doesn't delete a person. They still exist and more than likely you will continue to cross paths. Depending on how you two met, and how long you were together, you may find yourselves around one another more often than is ideal. Re-learning how to act around them is a process.
No one has this down to a science. It's a learn-as-you-go type of deal. You have to find a balance between caring about them and not stepping outside your boundaries. While you're dating, you're their person. You are their best friend, their therapist, their favorite part of the day. When you break up, you lose that in each other. You don't have a right to know their problems. You don't get to hear how their family is doing. It is not your place to support them anymore. The helping hand that you have always reached out to them with, can’t be extended.
The problem is, you still care. And that is one of the most frustrating feelings; because you can't really show it. You have to sit back while their parents get divorced, or their grandpa passes away. Whatever life challenges they are facing, you are no longer allowed to stand by them. When they accomplish something, you don’t get to share that joy.
You have to let go of them. Let go of their issues, let go of their families and in some cases friends, let go of their baggage and goals for the future. They aren't yours to help carry or help to make come true.
