This article is hard to write. Very, very hard to write. I was raised with the love of three amazing parents who worked hard and molded me with the same work ethic and determination that they possess. They taught me I could be whatever I wanted; they taught me I was better than the ones who put me down in grade school. I was taught to never use the Lord’s name in vain and to hold my tongue when I’m frustrated. But the day my father called me worthless, it was stamped on my brain. It’s a neon sign in the distance of every goal I have in sight.
My dad didn't mean it, and I know that. It still hurts, though. Maybe when you call your kid worthless or fat or a bitch, you don’t even realize it. You're so angry that you'll forget when you're happy again. But they won't. You don’t expect it to slice through their heart like a knife through butter, but it does. A few weeks after my dad called me worthless, he was in a bad mood at work and nagging me.
I said, “Remember, you raised me to be the worthless piece of shit I am.”
“Grow up,” he said.
That’s it. He told me to grow up. But my grown father called me worthless. He has called me beautiful, smart, talented, and crazy, but in a good way. He gave me the opportunity to go to my amazing college and helped me build my truck, my dream vehicle. He showed me the beauty in snow and took me to the top of a mountain in the Black Hills. He taught me the value of a dollar. He gave me a solid work ethic and taught me how to shoot a gun. He has called me the best worker he’s ever had in his business.
But he called me worthless.
The compliments he has given me are small china figurines crushed by the ten-ton brick he dropped when he called me worthless.
Your kids will always remember something you do. If you rarely yell, they’ll never forget the first time. If you hit them, only once, the sting will never go away. If you were to call them worthless or anything of the like, they will remember that before they remember any kind compliment you gave them.
Every time they do something good, they will think about how worthless they still are. They'll help someone in need, but it won't feel good because of how "bitchy" they are. They'll make a fitness goal only to remind themselves how "fat" they are. They'll make honor roll but they will still be "dumb" in their own mind.
I love my father, and your kids love you, but love is not the same as being a friend. Many parents will say, “I’m your parent, not your friend.” Being loving toward your child is not being a friend. If they screw up, they need love. Maybe they need punishment, but don’t make it in the form of hurtful words.
Speaking poison to your children only engraves it in their minds. Physical violence toward your children never heals. Silence and emotional neglect toward your children never stops ringing in their ears. Before you wonder where your child learned how to walk down a bumpy path, first think about how you might have paved the way for them.
