If you're reading this because you think I'm talking about astrophysics or some good old Steven Hawking, I urge you to stop reading because this is so much more trivial. And much, much more melodramatic.
I'm talking about the Reckoning. The Rapture. As it was called by @carinasieh, "the Berlin wall of our generation." The day that Taylor Swift's spotless reputation was scuffed when Kim Kardashian served her up with some long-kept receipts. Your order is up, #squadmother.
On this particular Sunday night I was settling into bed. It was already past my bedtime as I had to be up at 7 a.m. But just as I was about to peacefully drift into REM, I received a text that would shatter the world as I knew it. 11:04 p.m., Eastern time. A group text, no less.
She'd done it. By God, that woman had done it. Kim Kardashian took to Snapchat like the scorned woman she was. This Mother Theresa, this Joan of Arc, this founding mother of social media shade posted the entirety of a single conversation, one which Taylor Swift has vehemently been denying for months. One in which she gave her blessing and then some about Kanye West's lyrics in his song (or should I say three minute and sixteen second long spiritual experience). My retainer-clad jaw dropped, an almighty force shook the Earth, time stood still.
Like any millenial, I hopped on Twitter to see the "character assassination" go down. Did I join in? You best believe I did.
In between tweets, I edited my alarm to be later and later. It might have been the Sabbath for another hour, but I was going to work in the morning. Cackling maniacally in the dark by myself, I watched the carefully curated world of the Untouchable TSwift go into perpetual storm.
I live for drama. Not when it's happening to me, but seeing celebrity feuds breathes life into my bones. Especially when it's Taylor Swift. But why? Truly, it's her crystal-clear overexposure. In her many years at the absolute center of attention she has not been directly caught in a lie. The victim who snuffs her long list of ex lovers with every top chart hit? She just got her comeuppance by the lady who locked down the very man who shot her into her high and mighty position.
Do I own every album Taylor has ever had the audacity to put out? Absolutely. Do I follow her on all forms of social media? You bet I do. Do I like her? Ask me in five minutes and it'll probably be different. Have I ever longed to be in her #squad? Not even a little bit.
Taylor Swift is not a real human being. Hanging out with her I imagine would consist of signing a confidentiality form and eating gluten free water while being forced to agree that everyone has done her dirty in this industry. Her perfect diamond-cut image does not appeal to me. No one is that clean being that successful.
Do I like Kim Kardashian? Not a bit. Just like Taylor, she puts forward a persona I find completely unappealing: fake, self-centeredness that encourages others to be narcissistic and entitled, and an empire that targets everyone who thinks they have the chance to be just like her. Do I respect her? Yup. Maybe Kanye West is as whack as he makes himself out to be, or maybe he's just hiding behind it to protect his brand and continue to stay in the limelight. Whatever he is, Kim only makes him better. She stood by her man and dragged America's sweetheart into oblivion. And the shock factor probably removed my soul from my body if only for a minute.
What makes it all even better is everyone else. Taylor's #squad trying to protect her by deflecting attention. "There are more important things to worry about!" they shouted to nobody in particular because there is no way to defend her when you're listening to her drone on and on about how "provocative" Kanye's lyrics about her were.
Obviously there are more important things to worry about in the world. Please realize with all of this, I'm kidding. If this was the biggest thing the world had to worry about, we would live in the land of milk and honey. But for the last hour of July 17th, 2016, and the messier Taylor gets in the aftermath, let it go. The world is falling apart around us. Let the "downfall" of Taylor Swift happen (if you think this upcoming album isn't going to snatch the hair off your head and if you think I am NOT going to buy it along with America, you're dead wrong). Next week, I'm sure we'll all have a laugh at this. Except for Taylor's legal team.
