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Politics and Activism

The Overflow

...the territory of sharing my heart without yield

10
The Overflow
Plenty Magazine

I wish I could tell you the secret because I’m still trying to figure it out. I have been having a really hard time with writing lately. My personal blog hasn’t been touched in a little over two weeks, and every time it comes to submission day for The Odyssey, I find myself scrambling for the flint, an idea to spark a flame. I have a plethora of things to write about — believe me when I say that I do — I’m just having a hard time making it all click together and sound beautiful. Isn’t that what words are supposed to do? Invoke some sort of emotion out of people and make them want to share it with their friends, too?

I find myself thinking in an endless cycle of questions and thoughts lately. Questions like: How do I exactly conquer writer's block? What is my new dream? How do I get a literary agent? Are there Christian Writing Conferences anywhere that I could attend for free in 2017? What about free writing contests with some cash reward? I’ve already won a contest; I bet I could do it again if I tried. Will I get published one day? Read: What are the steps I need to be taking to actually get there?

I know I have what it takes. I know I can write words in a way that gives other people room and I know people read what I have to say when I share it with them. I know that what I have to say is worth sharing, it’s the act of invoking others to share it that is my difficulty. See, I’m writing for this online platform (The Odyssey) that requires me to have a certain number of shares or likes every week and if I’m being completely honest… I’m really struggling to get them. When I get the emails telling me I haven’t gotten the number of shares I should be in a week, it makes me wonder if there is something I am missing.

But then I find that the words begin to flow from my fingers like fire when I write what’s actually happening inside my heart, like the words have been waiting to come out because the honest thoughts have been held captive inside for way too long… Then I’m crippled by the thought: What do people actually want to read about? Is it the recent politics with Clinton and Trump? I’m not really a politics centered person and don’t really have an opinion on either side, but I will decide to vote in November when I have to. Is it a funny article they’re looking for? I can tell you about the time I tripped into a fountain on Christmas Eve in India and probably have you crippled on your floor laughing because it’s just that funny. Do they want the type of articles that make them question where they are in life, what their choices are, leaving them vulnerable and wondering what they believe in? That? That is what I can give you, but I can’t promise pretty and succinct, all I can really promise is a little sassy, and a whole lot of bold and courageous truth. But most of that comes in the territory of sharing my heart without yield — and that’s the scary part.

I think the tension I’m feeling comes from a place inside of me that’s telling me I have to be inspiring and that if I’m not, my writing doesn’t mean anything. I want to leave people with some gum to chew on, but I want them to know what flavor that gum is before I’ve been given the chance to surprise them, which inevitably leaves me without words and more confused. Then I forget why I even write in the first place.

I think that may be why I fear writing something beautiful and worthy of actually being published on pages one day. In future retrospect, I want my words to strike a chord deep within people that won’t stop singing, inspiring them to get up and get moving. I think that may be why I fear stepping forward into something that is so completely unknown, yet so close to my heart. I love writing; I am good at it when I let what others think of it go and let myself be free to write whatever I want. I’m even better at it when I throw expectations to the wayside and simply write what is happening inside my heart… Maybe that’s how you conquer writer's block?

The heart behind my very specific questions and this dream that has been slowly awakening inside of me for years is so simple, yet the road to get there feels so complex because it leaves me yearning to live alive with my eyeballs wide open and legs ready to run fast. Any dream chaser would resonate with this, so if you’re a dreamer, listen up: It’s love. It is the substance of my heart rushing forth into the abyss with words into yours.

Will you stand up and move forward confidently, even when you are afraid?

Will you ask the hard questions and expect the honest answers?

Will you run from or seek fearlessly the open road ahead?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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