Losing yourself looks different for everyone and it happens when you're not aware of it. Sometimes, it happens because of a crisis or a transition period. For me and a lot of the lost people I know, it happens because we've invested so much time in a relationship that we've neglected investment in ourselves. I'm not just talking about dating relationships, I mean ALL relationships. This includes family relationships and friendships.
It's important to depend on other people, but there is such a thing as an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. When you cannot make a decision for yourself, it is unhealthy. When your self-esteem is based on the ups and downs of your relationship, it is unhealthy. Your significant other or your friend may be a great person, but the relationship is toxic if you cannot freely be yourself...If you can't even think for yourself.
In high school, I made the mistake of isolating myself in one friend group. I identified with their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, and their lives so much that somewhere in between, I got lost. It wasn't until I was eighteen and taken away from most of my relationships that I realized I did not know myself like I thought I did.
It sounds weird: “I didn't know myself.” But that is the best way to describe it. It's uncomfortable, terrifying, and lonely. Not only was I away from most of my family, but the high school friendships I said would last forever...well, they didn't last forever. I allowed myself to become a shadow of my friends and while they are great people, they are not me and I am not them. My freshman year of college - on my own, I just didn't know myself.
I've come a long way since then. Over the years, I faced rejection and survived because I found friends who took the time to get to know me and appreciate me. I have failed in pursuit of many goals and learned that failure does not mean it's over and it doesn't mean I am not good enough. Others' expectations of me still weigh heavy on my shoulders, but I have started reminding myself that I need to focus on what I want. I went from studying in a field that everyone argued was practical to a field that no one really fully understands, but it is the field that encouraged me to invest in who I am. Changing majors is something I will never regret because it started this journey that I now want you to take.
I tell you this because it's okay to not know who you are right now, but also because it's time for you to start investing in yourself. Grand Canyon University wants us to find our purpose, but how can we when we're lost? How can we find our purpose when we don't even know who we are? So go on the journey for you! Find out who you are because I guarantee that you are an amazing individual and you're going to love that person so much it's going to make you wonder why you spent so long putting this off.
If you don't know where to start then begin with the One who “knit you together in your mother's womb” (Psalm 139:13). You cannot discover your identity in anyone else but Him. And you certainly cannot do it on your own. Start with Him because He created you. He intimately knows everything there is to know about you. The very first thing you need to know about your identity is this: You are a child of God and you are greatly loved ( Galatians 2:20; Romans 5:8). Investing in yourself starts with discovering where you came from.
Once you know who you are in Christ, you get to discover what you're passionate about. You get to learn what makes you unique. Your ideas, your opinions, and your voice? They all matter.
So, my friends! While you may not know yourself now, rest in knowing that you will one day. Relationships don't always mean you lose yourself. Find the healthy balance between investing in your relationships and investing in yourself. Let this journey be one you don't take on your own because you were never meant to be alone. You have the Lord, you have your friends, and now you have me! It's a wonderful journey that I can't wait for you to take.
