If I lived in a fantasy-world, by some test of fate, the person who "loves me next" would be reading this. He would fall in love with my words, and eventually me. Hopefully. But, lets be real–my life isn't a fantasy, I have the worst luck ever, and even if I didn't, my chances would still not be in my favor.

Despite that, I'm still typing this–and I know what all of you are thinking. Just another open letter, from an overly-emotional, college-aged girl about how she's sorry. Because that's how most of these things go, right? The girl is already apologizing to a person she may or may not even know yet. She is already doubting herself, and the relationship hasn't even started yet.

With me, that's not the case. I'm not sorry–not even in the slightest. Because I may be a million things at any given time, but I'm also going to be myself. Which is something I would never apologize for.

I'm not sorry for being messy. I live in a constant state of organized chaos. I never make my bed, my backpack is unorganized, and my clothes are probably strung out all over my bedroom floor right now, and that's okay to me. I know where everything is. So, even when it seems like there is no method to the madness: there is. It's my method. And even if the method is a little mad itself, it works for me.

I'm not sorry for my emotions, and why should I be? I'm a girl, we all have them. So do you, guys, too. Just a little more afraid to show them than we are. I may cry if I make a C on a test that I studied weeks for, and I'll definitely cry if I accidentally hit a bird while driving. I may cry for weeks about that, but the best thing you can do is just let me get all the tears out.

I'm not sorry for being blunt. I won't sugar coat things, and I never have. If you upset me, expect to know. If I don't like something you did, expect to know.

I'm not sorry for being high maintenance. Of course I'd like to think that the maintenance level on me is pretty low, but we all know that would be a lie.

I'm not sorry for being myself. Because that's something you're supposed to love, flaws and all. I know I'm not perfect, and I know my attitude is a little much at times. So, all I can really do is thank you ahead of time.

Thank you for putting up with me, and accepting my flaws as if they're not flaws. Thank you for letting me show you that behind all of these walls is a huge heart. I know it's not easy to love me, or really even be with me, if I'm being completely honest. I'm difficult, stubborn, and have a hard time trusting people. Sometimes, I'll start arguments just because, and I'll never admit that I'm wrong. Other days I just need a little bit of reassurance; a reminder that you're still mine despite all of my ways.

I may sound difficult right now, but I'm actually pretty simple if you really get down to it. I just need a little bit of love, kind words, a lot of Sonic french toast sticks, and a few lazy nights here and there. It really doesn't take much to win me over, and I'll probably be the one falling way too hard, and way too soon.

I'll test your patience and annoy you constantly, but in between all of those times is a girl that is willing to give you the world.

I'll be grumpy 75 percent of the time–possibly more– especially if I get less than eight hours of sleep the night before. I'll push your buttons to the point of no return, but I have a 30 second rebound rate and then I'm begging for you to come back.

I'll never admit that I'm wrong, and I will most likely argue that every day.

I won't ever hold back. Walls will get knocked down, the laughs will be longer, my personality will be bigger, and my voice will be louder. Much louder– possibly resembling a megaphone.

I won't expect the world, even if I try everything in my power to give it to you. I just expect late nights, good talks, and someone who will never give up on me. Because I promise that I won't ever give up on you.

Love,

a hopeful future