He was the fire I liked playing with.
There was something about him. The way he said his words. He said he wanted a future. The future he described and smiled about was a future he said he wanted with me. I was at the point in my life where I wanted it and I believed him with every bone in my body.
He was the guy who picked me up late at night and we just drove around town. Simple right? We talked about our days and our futures like something was going to happen. It gave me the hope and the spark I needed to believe in him.
Yet, in the back of my mind no matter how charming he was, she was there. No matter how many times I brought her up, he talked negatively about her. It was like she didn’t matter and whatever they had together didn’t matter. He reassured me multiples times throughout our little time together that it was only me. Every single time I saw him, he told me how he wanted me and no one else. I just needed to get things straightened out on my end according to him.
Silly me for believing him. Of course, I got burned.
It seemed like after one burn, I should’ve stayed away. That’s what normal people do. He was addicting. It was his way with words and the smile that made me melt. It got me in trouble.
I let him have a piece of me that he shouldn’t. It’s a piece of me that I now tell myself nobody gets unless they deserve it. Silly me for thinking he deserved it.
Those late night drives turned into sleepless nights and thoughts of maybe if things were just right. When things went wrong, I became a person who I told myself that I wouldn’t become. I wouldn’t become the person who just said I’m sorry even though it wasn’t my fault. I tried to please him so he would stay around. I wanted him to stay so I gave up what I believed in.
I asked his best friend if he was worth it. I found myself in a rough situation with him saying no and me just wondering if he was wrong. God, I wanted him to be wrong. I wanted him to be wrong so bad that it hurt.
He wasn’t wrong in case you didn’t know. He wasn’t wrong in the slightest. He risked his friendship to prove that his so called friend wasn’t a good guy in the slightest. I was stupid for thinking that he could be wrong about this guy.
He kept burning me and I let him do it. Why did I do that? I wish I had an answer. It was dumb and it was stupid and not worth it. He wasn’t worth the angry text I received later because of stupid decisions or the thoughts in my head of constantly wondering what I did this time to mess up.
I put myself back in a position where I was going to give myself up to please him.
I may have gotten severely burned in the end but this time I learned that playing with fire once is all you need to know to stay away.
