2.8.16

Walking around this campus I always knew that I wasn’t one of them. Not just because of the factor of money, I just knew that I didn’t live in the same world as them. I could pretend that most of them were similar to me just to get through the day, but that's just not the case. I used to envy them because they had an ideal life. They don’t struggle. But what if they’re not the one’s with the better life, what if I’m the one who’s blessed? Maybe all the struggle is part of my testimony. There is probably something behind all of this. I don’t know what’s at the other side of the mountain. I can’t imagine what God has planned for my life, whatever it is though I trust him. I know whatever is in store for me will be better than the kids who have nothing but money. When you really think about it, I’m actually the one who’s rich, I have something money can’t buy.

1.23.17

“More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” – Romans 5:3-4

It’s crazy to look back at my journal entry from nearly a year ago. The fact that I realized that I couldn’t find true joy from the things of this world at a time where I lived for only the things of this world absolutely blows my mind.

I guess I learned that from very early on, but now just put the pieces together recently. Many things that I thought would be great in life ended up being mediocre. A huge example was prom. Our society makes a huge deal about senior year prom. So senior year I spent months looking for a perfect dress, for a night that was supposed to be perfect. I worked 40 hours a week to save up. I ended up dropping over 1,000 on prom, and guess what. It didn’t meet my expectations of the best night ever. The truth is that most things in my life that I put up to a high standard like social status, relationships, friendships, money, none of it could ever fully satisfy me.

Freshman year of college, I got a chance to live the life. To live the college dream that everyone wants going off to college, I had it. I flaunted it off all over social media showing everyone how amazing the party scene was for me was at university. What was even better was my school was one of the top party schools in the nation. Throughout high school, I told myself I’d be happy if I just could live the life I wanted to live. I had it all, but I soon realized that I was living a lie. I was lying to everyone, I wasn't as truly happy as I portrayed on social media. It's absolutely mind blowing how much we can deceive other on social media. I'll admit some the nights were fun, but then soon got old. As all things of this earth, it simply didn’t make life any happier, I was better off without it. The second I realized that it completely destroyed me. I’d ask the walls every night what the purpose of life was if I could never really hold onto true happiness. I was in a constant cycle of making myself temporarily happy, and that happiness would fade away as soon as the night was over. That happiness wasn't genuine. I’d also tell God every night that if true happiness wasn’t attainable, that there was no point for me to live this life.

It’s been a year since then, and over this last year, I’ve got to learn in depth about the one thing in life that could ever make us genuinely joyful. Throughout this last year, I’ve lost so much. I’ve lost so many friends, and I lost the guy I thought that I’d be with forever. On top of that, I’ve struggled with everything from financial reasons to struggling with myself.

“I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.” – Philippians 3: 7-8

Although life has been harder than it’s ever been for me, I’m surviving it all. I have tougher skin. I couldn’t have overcome anything if Christ wasn’t by my side. This year getting to know such a perfect, loving God has changed my view on life completely. If I was in the circumstances I’m in right now about a year ago when I didn’t really know Christ, I couldn’t promise you I’d be here right now. Suffering does produce character. God’s only building us. A lot of the time I forget that. I forget that no matter my circumstance, nothing will happen to me that’s not in God’s hands.

Christ never promised me and easy life choosing to follow him. I didn’t become a Christian to simply have all my problems solved. Some claim that man created God, to make life easier. I laugh when I when I hear that because if I wanted an easy life I wouldn’t be following Christ. As Christians, we’re called to suffer as Christ did on the cross.

It’s so easy to notice how messed up the world is these days. My professor once said, “If you don’t want to escape from this world, you’re just a prisoner who doesn’t know they’re in prison and that they deserve something better.” I guess I didn’t understand how it felt to be free until I learned what being a prisoner meant. But, I constantly remind myself that all of this is temporary. Like a fairytale princess waiting for her prince, Jesus Christ will come back one day and make all right. That’s one thing I’m sure of with all of my heart, and one thing I can hold onto.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”- 2 Corinthians 4:17

Although can be rough some days, I’ve found true everlasting joy by getting to know the perfect King. No matter what I face, I won’t be facing it alone.

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” – Philippians 4:12-13

So what? Some may have riches. Others may have social status. The list can go on. But those are all things that are temporary, and could never truly fulfill. I guess you can say that I’m the one with riches because I have something money can’t buy. I have the one thing that will always remain the same. So I've realized why should we spend our time worshiping creation, when we can worship the creator of all.