It’s funny, when you were a little kid, it was easy to be in love with love. How could you not be when you had an endless supply of Disney princesses finding their soulmates, romantic kisses, and enchanted fairytales with coveted “happily ever afters?”

But that rosy, moon-eyed haze was quickly broken when you realized that you weren’t prepared for one major complication in your plans for the perfect ending- you weren’t ready for the moment when you realized that even though he was your Prince Charming, you weren’t his Cinderella.

Suddenly, you begin to doubt everything you knew, or thought you knew, about love.

You realize that it’s not curable with ice cream or chocolate or a good cry, because how could any of those things fix what it took so long to make whole? You thought you did everything right, so why don’t you deserve a happily ever after?

You’ll feel like you’re being played in reverse. Instead of Cinderella’s gown being transformed from rags into an effervescent, perfect blue, you feel like all the whimsy and beauty of your first love has been reduced to nothing more than the glamor of a burlap sack. It’s at this moment, when you’re left dramatically crying in your metaphorical pumpkin garden, that you begrudgingly accept that the first guy, isn’t always the right guy.

Please, don’t think I perceive myself as a love expert because that couldn’t be a farther cry from the truth—after all, I’m only eighteen. However, I have had my heart broken before. It was my first real, terrible heartbreak and while it broke me down, it also gave me a new perspective on love. At first, all that was left was a bitter resentment at my luck because surely Prince Charming did not cheat or lie or spend more time fawning over his outfit than the person he was with. However, slowly over time, I licked my wounds and finally came to terms with the fact that my knight in shining armor probably just got lost somewhere on the way but he was out there and I just have to be patient.

Love, in my short experience, is never easy. It is messy and surprising and never what you expect—but that’s what makes it so great. It is not magical quests through enchanted forests, forbidden love, or slaying the evil queens—no, real love isn’t any of those things. Love is awkward first dates, nervous kisses, and the realization that even though you hate strawberry yogurt, you’re still hit with a crushing amount of fondness when the person you love says it’s their favorite.

Real love is not like the fairytales. Love is finding someone who supports you, comforts you, and protects you without any hesitation. Love is finding someone who treats you like you’re magic and that’s not something that can be found overnight. You’ll fight and struggle, drift apart and come back together, but that’s ok. Have patience and never settle because real love is worth fighting the dragons for.

Real love is not like the fairy tales. It’s better.