The older I have gotten the more I have realized exactly what I want out of my life.

The more I have realized who I am.

And the more I have realized what I am not willing to settle for.

However, it also has gotten a lot more difficult to get anything that I want. It's a double edge sword that most people that didn't find their soulmate in high school will probably go through.

Let's put it this way, remember how easy it was when we just had to pass a note that said check yes or no? That was great. Those were the days. Back when it was simple. Back when if you liked someone, and they liked you back, then that was that. You were "boyfriend/girlfriend," or whatever that was back in the day. We didn't fight our feelings and put them aside.

Now, we have learned to be selfish. And we have every right to be. We have grown up with so many people telling us what to do or getting in the way of our choices that when we finally get to make it on our own, we don't want someone there hovering over our shoulder. No matter how much we may want them at the end of the day, during the day has become a mess of trying to keep yourself together that you can't have them.

And the older I have gotten, the more terrible dating experiences I have had the more selfish I have become. I don't want to allow myself to feel things because it might interrupt what I have planned for myself. And if I actually do feel things, I won't admit it because I need to stay focused.

Yet day in and day out, the single life just gets that much more depressing. Why? Because I have gotten to the point in my life where I am happy with myself. I am happy with where I am going, and what I want. That maybe, just maybe I am getting closer to wanting to share the awesomeness that is me with them.

But also the older I get, the harder it is to do that. Again why? Cause I don't really want to get hurt either. Again, the double edge sword. So the question I now ask, is why did we want to grow up? It is way to complicated now. Well, at least we always have our adult grape juice to get us through it. �