I can not even fathom everything that has happened in my life since my last odyssey article was released. It has been the longest and most trying times of my life since then. There have been some random highs in the year such as turning 21 and falling in love and other random moments of pure happiness but most of this year has been filled with my lowest of lows like family illnesses and toxic relationships. There were so many nights that no one knew of that my sleepless eyes cried until the sun rose and I would just wipe my tears and finally get out of bed and put on my strong face. There were so many days I would sneak into the bathroom just to let a few tears out because the exhaustion of keeping my tears in all day was getting too much to bear. There were so many days were just the pressure of having to be strong for everyone was making me want to crumble inside. And what I realized to a different extent this year is that the universe does not do you any favors. Bad things do not stop happening just because the worst things have already happened. The bad does not just stick to one area of your life and leave the rest alone. The universe goes on even when it feels like your world has stopped.
It took me a long time to accept these things. I spent a lot of time being angry at the world and at life and wishing for things to be fair. I spent a lot of time questioning the meaning of life and why bad things happen to good people. But most of all I spent a lot of time trying not to feel or express emotions because they were just too much to bear. I will admit a few times this year I was toxic to my own being. Toxic by not dealing with things that needed to be dealt with. Toxic by letting myself wallow in self-pity for too long.
But mainly I was toxic to my own being by not protecting my energies and auras enough.See when you are like me and are a giver the world can be a little extra cruel. Many will just take and take but give nothing back in return. And because you are a giver you will continue to let them even when you realize you are gaining nothing in return. This is because you are not surrounding people with your energies and auras to get something back but simply to give because your heart is pure gold. But see I learned more than ever this year that eventually you need to get something back in return. If you are always doing the giving and never receiving anything in return you will become drained to your core. There will be nothing left to give and you will no longer have your energies and auras that attracted people to you, to begin with. So without hesitation, they will go one with life and you will be left empty and drained, just the shell of the person you once were.
At first, I thought this meant I needed to turn mean and cruel and turn from a giver to a taker. But that is not at all what that means. No one should ever let the world and others turn them cold. Instead, let your light shine even brighter. Show that nothing can break you. But learn to protect your energies and auras a little more carefully. People will always be drawn to you because of your energies and auras and that feeling can make you feel so good and while it can be addicting but do not let everyone see just how truly magical you are because not all are worthy. It is anything but easy. I still struggle sometimes with the idea of protecting my energies and auras but the more I protect myself the less toxic to myself I am becoming.
Throughout the good, the bad and the ugly that has transpired I my life since I last wrote an article I am becoming a better and stronger version of me. And I finally feel strong enough to write again. The odyssey girl has returned.
