There is a quote that says "love is blind" and it is the truest thing there is. Love is blind. Blind to looks, blind to disabilities, blind to others. But it is also blind to abuse, blind to pain, and blind to strain. Often times couples stay together in fear of being alone, others stay because they don't know any different. There is a point where one needs to step back and see the true nature of their relationship. There are things that someone may not see till they are looking from the outside, in. I'm not talking about physical abuse but mental and emotional abuse. Things are not always sunshine and butterflies, especially when your partner is taking advantage of you. You feel lost, desperate, and useless in your own relationship. There is a point to when a relationship is way too much work. Tears shouldn't be shed everyday. Here are some major relationship red flags that are signs of potential psychological abuse:

1. "If you love/care, you will..."

This is a very dangerous statement. This causes the victim to be caught in a corner. It is a manipulation technique for the "abuser" to get their way, and it will be used for anything and everything.

2. "Promise me that you will..." Or any "promises" that control the other person.

There is no reason to control your partner or what they do. Relationships are based on trust. If you can't trust your significant other than why are you together. Each person in a relationship is their own person, if the other denies them to live their own life with their own friends, there is a major control problem.

3. Controlling of situations and interactions.

If one partner needs to intervene in all of the other's social interactions, there is another control problem. They may pull you away, call with problems, text to hold your attention, or do what they can to keep your attention focused on them. They will start drama or cause problems just to dominate the relationship. They will try and tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

4. Use illnesses/disabilities to guilt.

Yes, illnesses and disabilities are terrible things and need to be treated tenderly but there is a point to it. One using illnesses/disabilities for sympathy or to justify behavior, is wrong, especially if it is everyday. There is no way to justify acting like a jerk to your significant other. They also put themselves into situations to make the other feel like a terrible person, i.e. getting blackout drunk, self-harm (not normal), drug abuse, reckless driving/behavior, etc..

5. Never takes the blame.

It is always someone else's fault when things go wrong. It's the other person, parents, or environment, or friends, or really anything to deter the blame from themselves.

6. Parents don't like them, or like them with you.

This may sound weird but parents always know what's best in this situation. Listen to them, they can see things that you don't see. They have been there and been through life already.

7. Friends don't like them.

Again, may sound weird but your friends see a side of you that your parents don't see. They hear you ranting, they hear the fights, they see the tears. They care about you.

8. Things move faster than they should.

If you are only dating a few months and they are discussing moving in together and marriage, they are trying to control you. They want to make you feel as if that is the only option.

9. Everything is about them.

Anytime anything is planned, it is what they want and has to go the way they have planned. If something goes out of line they will blame the other person and throw a fit. They create issues out of every little detail. They care very little for the others' wants/ needs unless it benefits them in some way. If the other person is having a bad day/week, they manage to make it about them. They never really help the other out they just create more issues.

10. They intentionally say things to degrade you.

They tell things like, "you aren't there for me" or "you don't love me" etc. to receive attention and feel fulfilled by the pain they cause the other person. They do it to build themselves up all while tearing the other down.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline abuse is described as:

• Telling you that you can never do anything right
• Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
• Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family members
• Insulting, demeaning or shaming you with put-downs
• Controlling every penny spent in the household
• Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
• Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
• Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
• Preventing you from making your own decisions
• Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
• Preventing you from working or attending school
• Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
• Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
• Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol

If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship please visit thehotline.org or speak to an advocate at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Please do not be afraid and stay safe. It can be scary but there is someone out there who loves you and will not hurt you...I do.