Recently, I returned home from college to go to a party at which all of my extended family and parents’ friends would be in attendance of. This event began as they always did, making irrelevant small talk with semi-drunk adults. However, as I was socializing with all of my many relatives I was immediately taken back by the questions I was being asked and the concerns they had for me. Every time I would run into someone, the first thing they would say was, “How’s school? Got a boyfriend?” I began thinking about why this even mattered. I mean, after all, I was in college to earn a degree and figure out my future right? Or was I missing something…was I supposed to be in a desperate flurry to find a man to whisk me off of my feet and take care of me for the rest of my life? Because if so, then I was doing it all wrong.
Shortly following the multiple margaritas I had after answering “no I do not have a boyfriend,” “no I am not looking for a man right now,” and “no I am not a lesbian” to quite literally everyone at the party, I got to thinking…Of everything I could be asked, why was this the question people were concerned with?
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I came to the conclusion of timelines; life timelines, checklists, and marker points. This is how society has shaped our lives before we have even lived them. We think we are living the lives of our choosing, however, we are oh so far from it. Deciding if we want to attend college, who we marry, and how many kids we want, they are all just a part of our culture’s life plan, not ours. We are merely checking off the list of things we need in order to be “happy” by the standards of our society. We are doing what we have been taught to do, following the path of normality because God forbid we want anything different(heavy sarcasm).
The reason I was being asked this question was because it was supposed to be the next item on my list. I had chosen a college, picked a major, and was a current student, so next up was to find a man…Immediately upon finding out that I did not have a boyfriend nor intended to have one for awhile, I received one of two responses. The first, a very heavy gaze of pity. The second, a sly smile with the comment, “oh you say that now, but just wait until you meet him!” Ok, first of all, I don’t need the pity because I am perfectly cable of finding a boyfriend if I wanted one… which I don’t… which is why I don’t have one… And second of all, if I do happen to stumble across what we call a “Prince Charming,” I think he is perfectly capable of allowing me to pursue my dreams over supporting his.
I think this bothered me because for those of us who have a checklist that strays from society’s template are mercilessly scrutinized. I was looked at as if I wasn't OK simply because my plan was “different.” But what is so wrong with doing as we please?
If a 40-year-old woman isn’t married she must be miserable. If a teenager doesn’t want to attend college, they can’t ever be successful in life. If a woman is perfectly content with not having kids, she can’t ever be whole right? Wrong, wrong, wrong, so very wrong. It’s as if we truly believe that these markers are a mirror of our happiness. A woman can never truly be happy until she has checked off the part of her life where she finds the assurance that a man loves her and will take care of her. Once that has been found…on to the next part of the checklist(again HEAVY sarcasm)!
It isn’t a matter of being different or wrong, it’s doing what you want to do with no societal influence. Don’t conform, be the person you want regardless of the judgment and pressure you face. If you don’t want to get married, don’t get married. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t have kids. If you want to travel the world instead of working a 9 to 5 job, travel the world. Life is too short to live through a checklist.
